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Martha & Hayden Sears: A Healthy Pregnancy the Se...
Martha Sears is a registered nurse and former childbirth educator who has co-written more than 25 celebrated books on pregnancy and parenting. Her daughter, Hayden Sears, is a health and nutrition coach who is also the co-host of the Dr. Sears Family Podcast. Together, they have written The Healthy Pregnancy Journal, which will be released by Sounds True in May, 2019. In this special Mother’s Day edition of Insights at the Edge, Sounds True associate publisher Jaime Schwalb speaks with Hayden and Martha about the extraordinary journey of motherhood—from pregnancy through day-to-day parenting. Martha and Hayden detail the Sears family’s growth as parenting experts, as well as the original ideas behind The Healthy Pregnancy Journal. They talk about the benefits of journaling and a full community’s encouragement throughout pregnancy. Finally, Martha, Hayden, and Jaime talk about speaking with one’s partner about basic values before becoming parents, as well as how society’s view of pregnancy has evolved in the last four decades. (67 minutes)
5 Ways to Connect with Interconnection by Susan Kaiser...
It’s no surprise that the well-worn aphorism “It takes a village to raise a child” has resonated with many parents, along with another ancient proverb thought to have originated in Africa, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” Why do these now-clichéd old sayings ring true?
Because being a parent is lonely sometimes, and these sayings evoke a felt sense of connection and interconnection for which many parents long.
It’s the warm, fuzzy feeling that bubbles up at children’s holiday concerts, sporting events, and other neighborhood programs. It’s an understanding from the inside out that being a parent is as much about the community as it is about our children. It speaks to a holistic perspective that challenges the narrow view that we are independent, self-contained individuals and instead elevates a mindset that recognizes the many ways we are dependent and connected.
When we tap into this view, we remember that the way we relate to our children ripples out to touch their friends, teammates, classmates, teachers, coaches, doctors, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and on and on and on. Remembering this ripple effect can be a powerful antidote to the stress, strain, and even the doldrums of a busy parent’s life.
Here are five themes that help parents connect with interconnection.
A Ripple Effect
When their caregivers are so tired, stressed-out, afraid, or frustrated that they habitually speak and act impulsively without thinking through the consequences, it’s tough for children to imagine a community of relaxed, reflective adults who relate to one another thoughtfully, collaboratively, and with kindness.
Similarly, when kids live in communities where the prevailing mindset is that resources are scarce and there’s not enough to go around (like many of us do), it’s tough for them to imagine a world where collaboration and altruism, fueled by an understanding that achievement is not a zero-sum game, are woven into the culture. Switching the lens through which kids and parents view the world from a me-first orientation to a generous one can be an uphill battle, but it’s a struggle that can be won. How? By remembering the ripple effect made by even small acts of kindness and collaboration.
Takeaway: Today, watch for places that you’re starting a ripple effect. How does that make you feel?
Ordinary Magic
“The highest to which man can attain,” wrote Goethe, “is wonder,” but when busy parents are pulled in many directions at once, it’s easy to lose sight of the wonder in every moment. If you pause and look closely at chores and workaday obligations that feel relentless, you’ll notice that even what seems to be a fixed routine is anything but solid and predictable.
By bringing a sense of wonder and mystery to the everyday occurrences that make up family life (this flower, her smile, his laugh, that traffic jam), what once seemed like ordinary occurrences become nuanced, extraordinary ones. Okay, maybe not the traffic jam.
Takeaway: Today, make time and space for the “ordinary magic” of everyday experience.
Meet Everything with Love
If you’re anything like me, your knee-jerk reaction to a crazy to-do list and an over-crowded schedule is to bear down and muscle through. There’s an alternative, though. When you react to being busy by pausing rather than speeding up, you’re brought back to what’s happening in the moment.
If you relax rather than power through, you interrupt your body’s fight or flight response that releases adrenaline and activates the wing of your nervous system that promotes ease and calm instead. A few breaths later, you’ll be able to see what’s happening within and around you more clearly, set priorities more confidently, and return to what you were doing in a more balanced way.
Now you’re ready for what I think is the most radical piece of the mindful worldview. You’re ready to meet whatever comes your way with love—a practice I learned from the remarkable meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein. Can you think of a more apt intention for parents?
Takeaway: Test drive this approach the next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone who is challenging. See what happens if you meet what they say with love, even if you don’t feel it.
Don’t Expect Applause
It’s not a great idea to expect something in return when helping others; it’s better to do what needs to be done for its own sake. That’s what it looks like to prioritize motivation over results. Prioritizing motivation doesn’t mean ignoring outcomes, though. It just means remembering that there will always be things outside your control.
So how do busy parents with long to-do lists acknowledge uncertainty without becoming overwhelmed? By staying present in the moment and focusing on the goodness of what you’re doing instead of the results.
Takeaway: The next time you’re faced with a job that seems overwhelming, break it down into small tasks. Take-on one job at a time, and focus on the goodness of the task that you’re doing instead of the result. See what happens.
You’re basically good (seriously, you are).
Parents often hold themselves to unrealistically high standards because they want the best for their families. Being hard on yourself can backfire though, because the more preoccupied you become, thinking about where you didn’t measure up, the less bandwidth you have to remember the places where you did.
What if, instead of being hard on yourself, every time you feel mildly dissatisfied you view that dissatisfaction as a reflection of your basic goodness? Let’s say you’re frustrated and cranky because your children aren’t getting along. What if, rather than beating yourself up for being impatient, you view that frustration as a manifestation of a deep desire for your kids relate to one another happily and with ease? In other words, you see frustration as an expression of your basic goodness.
Takeaway: If feelings of dissatisfaction or impatience bubble up today, see if you can view them as an expression of your basic goodness—your hope that everyone is healthy, happy, safe, and living with ease.
Susan Kaiser Greenland is a mindfulness teacher and founder of the Inner Kids Foundation (along with her husband, author Seth Greenland), a not-for-profit organization that taught secular mindfulness and community-based programs from 2001 to 2009. She has researched the impact of mindfulness in education, childcare, and family health at UCLA, and her research has been published in the Journal of Applied School Psychology. Susan’s work has appeared in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Washington Post, USA Today, Real Simple, HuffPost, and Parents Magazine. She currently works in the United States and abroad as an author, public speaker, and internationally recognized educator on the subject of sharing secular mindfulness and meditation with children and families.
For more, visit susankaisergreenland.com.
Click here to see Susan’s newest work: Mindful Parent, Mindful Child
For anyone who wants to bring mindfulness into their family life, Susan Kaiser Greenland, a pioneer in bringing mindfulness to children and families, presents easy-to-learn practices created to help busy parents fit mindfulness into their daily routine. Mindful Parent, Mindful Child is structured as an “audio journey” for daily use, offering 30 potent practices that will teach the essentials of mindful awareness, compassion, self-regulation, stress relief, and much more in just ten minutes a day.
A Guided Practice to Connect with Our Deep, Inner Bein...
When we attune to ourselves as fundamental consciousness, we find that this pervasive space is not empty in the sense of void. Even though it is experienced as stillness, it is lively, luminous stillness.
In my method, the Realization Process, I attempt to avoid metaphysical assertions about what fundamental consciousness actually is or what qualities it actually possesses. However, an important part of the Realization Process, for both healing from trauma and for spiritual awakening, is to attune to specific qualities that appear to be inherent in this lively pervasive space. These qualities, which we can attune to pervading everywhere, are experienced as the fundamental qualities of our own being. In this work, we name these qualities: awareness, emotion, and physical sensation. Attuning to these three qualities can help us feel whole within ourselves and unified with our surroundings.
Before we go further, by “quality,” I mean the “feel” of our experience. A distinguishing characteristic of a quality is that it cannot be translated into a direct description of the experience. For example, the quality of love, exactly how it feels, cannot really be conveyed to someone who has not experienced it. We can talk about the experience—we can say that love is warm or that it causes us to want to connect with someone that we feel this toward, but we cannot put into words the exact experience of love itself. In the same way, we cannot convey, to someone who has not experienced it, the color red, the taste of vanilla, or the sensation of coldness. This is true for all of the many qualities that make up our experience, including the unchanging qualities of fundamental consciousness.
We attune to each quality through a different section of our body. We attune to the ground of awareness in, around, and above our head. By awareness, I mean that part of the ground within which perceptions and thoughts occur. We attune to the ground of emotion in the mid-third of our body—our chest and midsection. By emotion, I mean that part of the ground within which emotions, such as grief, anger, and joy, occur. We attune to physical sensation through the bottom third of our body—our lower torso, legs, and feet. By physical sensation, I mean that part of the ground in which physical sensations such as heat and sexual pleasure occur.
We need to be attuned to all three qualities of fundamental consciousness in order to reach our most subtle and most complete experience of ourselves and the world around us. The blend of awareness, emotion, and physical sensation pervading everywhere helps us attune to and resonate with the awareness, emotion, and physical sensation in other people and in all of nature.
PRACTICE: Attuning to Fundamental Consciousness
Sit upright with your feet on the floor. Keep your eyes open.
Feel that you are inside your whole body at once. Find the space outside your body, the space in the room. Experience that the space inside and outside your body is the same, continuous space. It pervades you. Experience that the space pervading your own body also pervades your whole environment. Do not move from within your body to do this: attune to the space that seems to already be there, pervading you and your environment.
Attune to the quality of awareness. This means becoming aware of your awareness. Attune to awareness around, within, and way above your head. Experience the quality of awareness pervading your whole body so that it feels like you are made of the quality of awareness. Experience the quality of awareness pervading your whole body and environment at the same time.
Attune to the quality of emotion. Sense the quality of emotion in the middle of your body: your chest and gut. Experience the quality of emotion pervading your whole body so that it feels like you are made of the quality of emotion. This is not a specific emotion; it is the subtle ground of emotion. Experience the quality of emotion pervading your whole body and environment at the same time.
Attune to the quality of physical sensation. Come down into the bottom of your torso, legs, and feet to attune to the quality of physical sensation. Experience the quality of physical sensation pervading your whole body so that it feels like you are made of the quality of physical sensation. Again, this is not a specific physical sensation; it is the subtle ground of physical sensation. Experience the quality of physical sensation pervading your whole body and environment at the same time.
Now experience the quality of physical sensation pervading your whole body and environment and the quality of awareness pervading your whole body and environment at the same time. Add the quality of emotion pervading your whole body and environment. At this point, the qualities blend together; they become indistinguishable from each other.
Sit for a moment in this rich field of awareness, emotion, and physical sensation, pervading your body and environment.
This is an adapted excerpt from Trauma and the Unbound Body: The Healing Power of Fundamental Consciousness by Judith Blackstone, PhD.
Judith Blackstone, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychotherapist in New York and an innovative teacher in contemporary spirituality. Her published works include the books Belonging Here, The Enlightenment Process, The Empathic Ground, and The Intimate Life, as well as the audio learning course The Realization Process.
Buy your copy of Trauma and the Unbound Body at your favorite bookseller!
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Brainwave Entrainment
Tami Simon speaks with Dr. Jeffrey Thompson, one of the foremost researchers studying sound and its effect on the brain and body. Based on his discoveries of how specific frequency patterns can create health benefits, Dr. Thompson has created dozens of popular brainwave entrainment audio programs, including Brainwave Suite, Alpha Relaxation System, and Delta Sleep System. In this episode, Tami speaks with Dr. Thompson about the science behind brainwave entrainment and how it can affect our physiology, the discovery of the gamma brainwave state that occurs during periods of deep meditation, and the power of what Dr. Thompson calls primordial sounds. (75 minutes)
Adyashanti: Embracing the World: Resurrecting Jesus
Adyashanti is an American-born teacher trained in the Zen tradition who teaches an inclusive path toward awakening. With Sounds True, he has published several books and audio programs, including Falling into Grace, Emptiness Dancing, and True Meditation. In this episode, Adya draws upon his book Resurrecting Jesus to examine the deep mythic underpinnings of the story of Jesus and how it can serve as a map of awakening. He also talks about Jesus as a revolutionary figure, how the metaphor of the crucifixion helped him process his own experience with intense physical pain, and the redemptive power of love to restore us to our natural state. (79 minutes)
A Path to Embodied Nonduality
We find ourselves in a time that is rich with paths toward spiritual awakening, especially that pinnacle of awakening called “nonduality.”
The Fullness of the Ground is my contribution to that abundance. It describes in detail the lived experience of nondual realization.
In the book, I offer a series of gentle attunement practices, called the Realization Process, for uncovering and knowing ourselves as a fundamental, undivided dimension of consciousness, pervading our whole body and environment. Pervading our body, fundamental consciousness is experienced as the authentic ground of our individual being. Pervading our body and environment, it is the basis of our oneness with everyone and everything around us. This means that we become whole as individuals at the same time as we transcend our individuality and experience unity with our surroundings.
As a longtime spiritual teacher and psychotherapist, I feel that there is not enough emphasis in some of the nonduality teachings about how this realization enriches our lives. I have been particularly concerned about teachings that encourage people to disconnect from themselves as individuals or to suppress their emotional responses to the world around them. In this book, I instead offer a path to nondual realization that is deeply embodied and that matures us as individuals, at the same time that it opens us to self–other oneness. Far from erasing us as individuals, nondual realization enhances our experience of our own unique existence. It deepens all of our human capacities, including our ability to feel, to think, and to enjoy our lives. It can help heal and enhance our relationships with other people by enabling us to experience deep contact with others without losing inward contact with ourselves.
Central to the method in this book is the important difference between being aware of the body and inhabiting the body. So I often begin with this simple exercise for experiencing this distinction:
Sit upright with your hands in your lap.
Take a moment to become aware of your hands. You may notice how warm or cold they are or how tense or relaxed they are. This is becoming aware of your hands.
Now enter into your hands. Experience yourself as present, living within your hands. This is inhabiting your hands.
You can go on to inhabiting different parts of your body and, finally, your body as a whole. See if you can feel present everywhere within your body, rather than aware of it from the outside.
In the Realization Process, we go through several steps, taking around 30 minutes, to reach this next part. But, for a very shortened version, if you can feel that you are living within your body, then next find the space outside of your body, the space in your environment.
Let yourself experience that the space inside and outside of your body is the same undivided space. Without leaving your body, experience that the space that pervades your body also pervades your whole environment. This is the spacious expanse of fundamental consciousness.
Judith Blackstone, PhD
Judith Blackstone, PhD, is a psychotherapist and innovative teacher in contemporary spirituality. She developed the Realization Process®, an embodied approach to personal and relational healing and nondual realization. She is the author of Trauma and the Unbound Body, Belonging Here, The Intimate Life, The Enlightenment Process, and The Empathic Ground.
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