600 Podcasts and Counting...
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How Reframing Conflicts Can Actually Help Your Relatio...
In the Internal Family Systems model, the practice of speaking for, rather than from, parts when they are triggered is an important aspect of Self-leadership. When people receive a message from you, it has two components: the content (the actual words) and the energy behind the words. When your protective parts are upset and speak directly to another person, invariably they will trigger parts in the other. When, on the other hand, you listen to your protectors and then speak for them, from your Self, the message is received in a very different way, even if you use the same words that your parts are saying. Your words lose their judgmental sting or their off-putting desperation and coerciveness. Instead, your respect and compassion for the other person will be heard in addition to the courage of your convictions.
Self energy has a soothing effect on any parts it touches, whether they are in you or in another person. When your parts trust that you will speak for them, they feel less driven to take over and explode at people. What they really want is to have a voice—to be listened to by you and to have their position represented to others.
Practice: SELF-LEADERSHIP AS A WAY OF INTERACTING IN A CONFLICT
These practices—remaining the “I” in the storm or the empty vessel, and speaking for rather than from your parts—can be combined into a general way of relating as a couple when you have conflict. When you begin to fight, each of you can try the following:
- Pause
- Focus inside and find the parts that are triggered
- Ask those parts to relax and let you speak for them
- Tell your partner about what you found inside (speak for your parts), and
- Listen to your partner from your open-hearted Self
When a couple is embattled and each focuses inside, as in step 2, usually they only hear from their protectors. If it feels safe enough, moving an extra step toward vulnerability can reap big rewards. That step involves staying inside long enough to learn about the exiles that your protectors are guarding, and then telling your partner about these vulnerable parts. In most cases, when one partner has the courage to reveal the vulnerability that drives their protectiveness, the atmosphere immediately softens and the couple shifts toward Self-to-Self communication.
This is an excerpt from You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD.
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Stan Tatkin: In Each Other’s Care
Dr. Stan Tatkin is uniquely talented at helping couples shift from being in each other’s faces to being in each other’s care. In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks to the innovative therapist and author about his new book, In Each Other’s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them, discussing some of the research-based, practical strategies he has developed in his celebrated PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy) model.
Give a listen to this gritty, honest, informative, and empowering conversation exploring: cultivating secure functioning relationships; why couples must create their own culture of shared power, respect, and collaboration; finding the balance between independence and interdependence; the one-directional nature of codependency; becoming your partner’s whisperer; why “earned love” is what endures; the fantasy of the same page; attachment versus love; mutual purpose and care as ingredients for an awesome relationship; the physical toll of an insecure functioning relationship; the Sherlocking technique; the power of eye contact; practicing quick repair; touch: an unequivocal signal of friendliness; the basic need in relationship: you and I are OK; the Big Five: sex, money, kids, time, and mess; jealousy and envy; longevity and happiness through co-creating the architecture of your relationship and understanding how you interact under stress; and more.
Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.
Rainn Wilson: Standing for a Spiritual Revolution
How do we reimagine society and build it anew upon a foundation of love, unity, and compassion? This is the central question Rainn Wilson explores in his new book, Soul Boom: Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution. In this podcast, Tami Simon sits down with the actor and comedian to learn, in Rainn’s words, “Why the hell is the actor who played Dwight in The Office writing a book about spirituality?”
Enjoy this inspiring conversation that is at once funny, clever, and sincere, as Tami and Rainn discuss the cultural critique of people on a spiritual path; connecting with others from both our brokenness and wholeness; God, higher powers, and belief in a great mystery; the radiant word “devotion”; finding your authentic voice; the need for a spiritual revolution in our times; creating a new mythology; the potential pitfall in being “spiritual but not religious”; the Latin word “religio”—to bind together; the Baha’i faith; Rainn’s advice to don’t just protest—build something; the maturation of humanity; keeping hope alive and fighting for joy; and more.
Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.
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Listening to Our Deepest Wisdom, Part One: The Soul’...
Tami Simon speaks with Marion Woodman, a renowned international teacher, workshop leader, and Jungian therapist. A widely read author on analytical and feminine psychology with over half a million books in print, Marion has created several Sounds True audio courses, including The Crown of Age and Sitting by the Well. In the first half of this newly released, two-part interview, recorded in the year 2000, Tami speaks with Marion about the cancer diagnosis Marion received and how it has changed her perspective on life. Marion also speaks eloquently of the courage to face our mortality, how life can be seen as a series of birth canals, and the gifts of humor and faith that come to us with age. (60 minutes)
Tami Simon: Embracing Paradox: A special micro-episode
Tami Simon is the founder and CEO of Sounds True, as well as the host of Insights at the Edge. In this special episode, Tami celebrates an amazing milestone: her five-hundredth podcast. Speaking on her many years as an interviewer, Tami explains that she has been able to take in all the competing, often contradictory viewpoints of her subjects by embracing the concept of paradox. She shares numerous examples of contrasting ideas (such as the roles of anger and surrender in spiritual practice) that she has entertained as truth. Tami considers the paradox of becoming more in tune with herself over the years while also learning how interconnected she is with all other beings. Finally, Tami mulls the painful contradiction of brilliant teachers who also prey on the vulnerable and what this means for the overall quest for spiritual discovery. (36 minutes)
Accessing the Akashic Records
Ashley Wood is the cofounder, alongside her creative collaborator Ben Wood, of A Line Within, a platform dedicated to supporting others in using their Akashic Records to understand their soul journey. Ashley hosts The Line Podcast, a weekly show where she shares channeled teachings and tools for living in alignment with your soul. In this podcast, Ashley joins Sounds True founder Tami Simon to talk about her new book, The Line: A New Way of Living with the Wisdom of Your Akashic Records.
Tami and Ashley discuss: the prayer or “sound code” required for entering the Records; the Pleiadian energies known as the Pinnacle; becoming an open conduit for your soul’s wisdom; the Line, an energetic, intuitive frequency that we all hold within us; the connection between intuition and your Akashic Records; activating your awareness of your own Line; the crown of the head and the bottom of the feet as the bridge between our energetic selves and our physical selves; the practice of journaling to develop trust in your own guidance; how to distinguish between discursive thinking and Akashic information; how the feeling of alignment is uniquely personal; living with open eyes; why “the most important thing we can learn in this physical life is how to show ourselves unconditional love”; the evolutionary and revolutionary changes unfolding in our current times and the call to serve through offering your gifts; and more.