The fear of being abandoned. The terror of being lonely forever. The anxiety of being utterly dependent upon another. The panic of unbearable vulnerability and exposure. The dread of the looming death of yourself and everyone around you. These are the great fears that come as you wake, as you fall asleep, and as you dream through this life.
But perhaps the greatest fear of all is the fear of being loved. We don’t really see it this way, though. For when you are really loved, when you are entirely seen, when you are fully held, it is the end of your world as you know it. You will never be the same. You will never again be able to pretend that you are other than perfect and precious as you are. And that is terrifying.
Life is always seeing you in this way.
You long to be loved, to be seen, but please know that the implications are immense; they are cosmic. To allow yourself to be loved in this way a part of you must die. Everything you thought you weren’t must be surrendered. You must let go of the stories of the unlovable one, the awakened one, the special one, the imperfect one, and the despairing one. Love wishes to reveal your nakedness, to remove your clothing, and to burn away all that is false and less than whole within you. What you are is a raging firestorm of creativity, sensuality, openness, warmth, and kindness. Love will never stop until you know this.
In this way, love is a destructive process, for it comes to re-order everything you thought you knew. But will you step into this sweet annihilation? Yes, something will be shattered; actually, everything will be taken away. All that will be left is your wholeness and your raw, tender heart. This is your gift to this world.
Tami Simon speaks with Seane Corn, an internationally acclaimed yoga teacher who has been featured in nearly fifty different print and broadcast media. An active humanitarian and advocate for social change, she has conducted humanitarian work in India, Cambodia, and Africa. In this interview, Seane discusses the deeper dimensions of yoga practice and her unusual life story as an empowered and empowering yogini. (58 minutes)
Tami Simon speaks with Peter Baumann and Michael Taft. Peter began his career as a member of the acclaimed band Tangerine Dream, and went on to found the Baumann Foundation, an interdisciplinary think tank dedicated to exploring what it means to be fully human. Michael has been a professional writer and researcher for more than two decades. With Natural Enlightenment Press, distributed by Sounds True, Peter and Michael have co-written the book Ego: The Fall of the Twin Towers and the Rise of an Enlightened Humanity. In this episode, Peter and Michael speak about the conceptual revolution that took place 50,000 years ago, the positive evolutionary potential of this particular time in history, and why we may be in the midst of an “enlightenment revolution” right now. (70 minutes)
Tami Simon speaks with Dr. Rubin Naiman, an internationally recognized leader in integrative sleep and dream medicine. Dr. Naiman serves as the sleep specialist at the University of Arizona’s Center for Integrative Medicine, directed by Dr. Andrew Weil. With Sounds True, he has produced the audio programs Healthy Sleep (coauthored with Dr. Weil) and The Yoga of Sleep, as well as the online course Ask the Sleep Doctor: Relieve Insomnia, Sleep and Dream Deeply, Wake Up Refreshed. In this episode, Tami speaks with Dr. Naiman about how hyperarousal interferes with healthy sleep, the power of weaning ourselves off the alarm clock, and how we can embrace the deeper dimensions of sleep and dreams. (57 minutes)
Tami Simon speaks with Dr. Wayne Muller, author of the national bestseller Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood as well as How, Then, Shall We Live? and A Life of Being, Having, and Doing Enough. In this episode, Wayne speaks about how the experience of being enough is born in relationship and through the power of reaching out to people who feel isolated. He also talks about how we can see painful childhood events as opportunities to develop unique and special capacities. Wayne and Tami also discuss making time in our lives to relax into “enoughness” and the importance of not letting ourselves be swept away by the busyness of the culture. (56 minutes)
Meditation has found a home in the West. Countless scientific studies tout its benefits, and a multitude of students proclaim its life-changing value. I am one of those students. For over forty-five years I have practiced this ancient art, and I continue to reap its remarkable rewards. While I remain a follower of many wisdom traditions, and believe that no one has a patent on truth, thirty years ago I took refuge in Buddhism. The adage “Chase two rabbits; catch none” points out the necessity of commitment, and the dangers of spreading yourself too thin.
My passion for meditation led me into the traditional Tibetan three-year retreat, where I became a monk with robes and a shaved head, meditating fourteen hours a day in a remote monastery. I even slept sitting up in meditation posture, practicing the nocturnal meditations of dream and sleep yoga. Three-year retreat is like a meditation university, providing the opportunity to practice dozens of meditations in the most nurturing environment. It remains the most transformative experience of my life.
Of the many practices I was introduced to in retreat, one meditation stands out: the quirky, intense, multifaceted, and revolutionary practice of reverse meditation. I learned these practices within the context of Mahāmudrā (Sanskrit for “great seal”), a lofty tradition in Tibetan Buddhism that explores the nature of the mind. This was over twenty years ago, and since then these radical meditations have become a cornerstone of my spiritual path.
They’re called “reverse” meditation for a number of reasons. First, these practices are the opposite, or reverse, of what many of us associate with meditation. Most people think that meditation is about feeling good, getting “Zen,” or otherwise chilling out. But this is just one small aspect of meditation. Complete meditation is not about feeling good—it’s about getting real. And getting real requires dealing with the reality of difficult situations.
Second, these unique meditations are designed to reverse our relationship to unwanted experiences, which means going directly into them instead of avoiding them. In so doing we can discover the basic goodness of whatever arises, which is deeper than interpretative goodness. Basic goodness refers to the ineffable “suchness, isness, thatness” of whatever occurs—good or bad.
If we capitulate to our usual avoidance strategies, we push the acute, conscious psychological discomfort of avoidance into becoming a chronic, unconscious mental cramp. The discomfort is still there, but now it’s buried deep in our body-mind matrix, where it works backstage to dictate much of our onstage life. The rejected experience then manifests symptomatically—it becomes an undiagnosed reflection of an underlying discord that expresses itself in virtually everything we do. Our actions then become evasion tactics—reactivity, psychological duress, physical illness, and all manner of unskillful responses to the challenges of life—as we try to skirt these buried, uncomfortable feelings.
The reverse meditations give us the opportunity to relate to our mind instead of from it—and also to establish a relationship to our evasion tactics, which otherwise become obstacles that act like scar tissue to sequester the unwanted experience from consciousness. Relating from our mind, from our reactivity, is no relationship at all. In place of conscious relationship, we respond with knee-jerk reflexes to difficult experience, a reactivity that kicks us out of our feeling body and into our thinking head, and into unnecessary suffering. Instead of dealing authentically with the challenging somatic sensation, we leap into inauthentic conceptual proliferation (confabulating and catastrophizing) to buffer ourselves from the discomfort of our feelings. We run from the honest pain and real news that come with being human, and into dishonest commentary and fake news. The truth is that many of the worst things in our life are things that never really “happened”!
Third, the reverse meditations upend our sense of meditation altogether. They represent a revolution in spiritual practice that turns our understanding of meditation inside out and upside down, and therefore radically expand our practice. Situations that were once antithetical to meditation now become our meditation. Obstacles that previously obstructed our spiritual path now become our path. This means that everything becomes our meditation. Nothing is forbidden. We can enter lifetime retreat in the midst of ordinary life.
Excerpted from Reverse Meditation: How to Use Your Pain and Most Difficult Emotions as the Doorway to Inner Freedom by Andrew Holecek.
Andrew Holecek is an author, speaker, and humanitarian who offers seminars internationally on meditation, lucid dreaming, and the art of dying. His work has appeared in Psychology Today, Parabola, Lion’s Roar, Tricycle, Utne Reader, Buddhadharma, Light of Consciousness, and many other periodicals. Learn more at andrewholecek.com.
