What You Can Do to Make Your Relationship Work

December 14, 2021

What You Can Do to Make Your Relationship Work

Elizabeth Earnshaw December 14, 2021

Elizabeth Earnshaw works with individuals, couples, and families and is the founder of A Better Life Therapy. She holds a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and is a certified Gottman Method couples therapist. Elizabeth also trains and supervises new therapists seeking their licenses in the counseling field. With Sounds True, she is the author of I Want This to Work: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age. 

In this podcast, Sounds True founder, Tami Simon, speaks with Elizabeth Earnshaw about what she has discovered to be the building blocks for a successful relationship—and the most common pitfalls that can lead to irreparable damage. They also discuss the unique approach of the Gottman Method and the research behind it; the importance of turning toward your partner (and the dangers of turning away); “bids for connection” as key moments in relationship; the “four horsemen” of unhealthy communication: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt; the three Rs of a healthy relationship: reliability, respect, and responsiveness; interdependence, or how we balance our desires for connection and our desires for autonomy; repairing broken trust; the recent dramatic decline in the divorce rate; the connection between happy relationships and physical health; avoiding the trap of “triangulation”; and more.

Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, CGT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, AAMFT Approved Supervisor, and founder of A Better Life Therapy. She’s known for her popular Instagram account @lizlistens, is the author of I Want This to Work, and has been featured in the New York Times, USA Today, the Washington Post, and more. She lives between Philadelphia and New Orleans with her husband and children. For more, visit elizabethearnshaw.com.

Author photo © Veronika Paluch

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Meet Your Host: Tami Simon

Founded Sounds True in 1985 as a multimedia publishing house with a mission to disseminate spiritual wisdom. She hosts a popular weekly podcast called Insights at the Edge, where she has interviewed many of today's leading teachers. Tami lives with her wife, Julie M. Kramer, and their two spoodles, Rasberry and Bula, in Boulder, Colorado.

Photo © Jason Elias

Also By Author

Elizabeth Earnshaw: ‘Til Stress Do Us Part

What if the problem in your relationship isn’t you or your partner but the mountain of stress you’re both dealing with? It’s a no-brainer to say that too much stress kills intimacy, but what do we really mean when we say “stress”? And what can we actually do about it? In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with couples therapist and author Elizabeth Earnshaw about her new book, ’Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships

Give a listen for a wealth of actionable insights and wise approaches to navigate and manage the stressors in your relationship, including how to comfort a partner under stress; the art of nervous system co-regulation; awareness: the prerequisite for change; learning the signs of dysregulation and how to self-soothe; Gottman’s “Four Horsemen”: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt; stress as a physiological cycle; step one: identify your own stressors; the narrative of a gap between who you are and who you want to be; intentional sacrifice; making structural changes that make life less stressful; discernment around what we can and cannot control; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

What You Can Do to Make Your Relationship Work

Elizabeth Earnshaw works with individuals, couples, and families and is the founder of A Better Life Therapy. She holds a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and is a certified Gottman Method couples therapist. Elizabeth also trains and supervises new therapists seeking their licenses in the counseling field. With Sounds True, she is the author of I Want This to Work: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age. 

In this podcast, Sounds True founder, Tami Simon, speaks with Elizabeth Earnshaw about what she has discovered to be the building blocks for a successful relationship—and the most common pitfalls that can lead to irreparable damage. They also discuss the unique approach of the Gottman Method and the research behind it; the importance of turning toward your partner (and the dangers of turning away); “bids for connection” as key moments in relationship; the “four horsemen” of unhealthy communication: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt; the three Rs of a healthy relationship: reliability, respect, and responsiveness; interdependence, or how we balance our desires for connection and our desires for autonomy; repairing broken trust; the recent dramatic decline in the divorce rate; the connection between happy relationships and physical health; avoiding the trap of “triangulation”; and more.

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A Message of Gratitude

Dear Sounds True friend,

At this time of thanks-giving, I want to thank you, a beloved member of our extended Sounds True community of listeners, readers, authors, and learners worldwide.

Thank you for your interest and willingness to be an explorer of your inner world.

Thank you for your perseverance, your willingness to be here, with all of life’s great joys and terrible griefs and sorrows. Thank you for being ”on the journey,” with all of the ways life breaks open our hearts and asks us to expand and hold a larger space of love.

Thank you for your courage to be you, beloved and singular, the you that carries a unique gift, some special look, a cry and a laugh never heard before, a contribution we need. Thank you for being yourself and extending yourself to others, even in small ways, which often turn out to be huge.

My own prayer this Thanksgiving is to remain steadfast and true. Please know that here at Sounds True we remain so—and we love doing so in connection with you. We are here because you are here. This thanks-giving, I bow to the strength and goodness of our human hearts.

With you on the journey,

Tami

P.S. Here is a thanks-giving offering, a classic poem from Mary Oliver:

Praying

It doesn’t have to be
the blue iris, it could be 
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few 
small stones; just 
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try
to make them elaborate, this isn’t 
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence, in which 
another voice may speak.

Mary Oliver, Thirst

Tami Simon

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