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Digitization – Friend or Foe?

We have an ongoing debate in our house about how digital our world is becoming and whether our increasing digitization is a benefit or a curse. You’ve also likely seen studies about how use of mobile devices is causing us to become disengaged from one-on-one interactions, how 66 percent of people suffer from nomophobia (fear of being without a cell phone), or how “face time” is now better known as an iPhone app than a tangible experience.

As a high school English literature teacher, my husband is very much in the camp of those who are concerned about the potential detriments of digitization. It’s often hard enough to get students to put down their cell phones during one class, much less to get them to read an entire book. And, these trends don’t just start in high school—there are three and four year olds out there who could teach me a few things about iPhones and iPads! While there is no wrong or right answer, this trend has caused many to question the impact that this world of instant gratification and constant connectedness will have on the attention spans of future generations.

As a member of the publishing industry—and a company that is currently forging its way into the digital frontier by way of ebooks, apps, and downloadable everything—and a wife who always loves a good debate, I can’t help but think of all of the benefits that digitization has afforded us. I’m not saying that I disagree with the negative aspects of technology addiction, mind you, but I do believe that the digital world has afforded some profound and unparalleled opportunities that simply cannot be ignored.

For instance, many organizations, such as Now Clinic, allow people to connect with physicians and other medical professionals through the internet and outside of traditional business hours. The National Voices Project has similarly been exploring ways to provide mental health services via Skype to those who would otherwise be unable to access such resources. On a personal level, we’ve been able to remain in constant contact with family and friends all over the world—and we’ve seen their children grow between visits. We’ve partaken in talks and concerts and festivals from across the globe. We’ve accessed mindfulness practices and meditation bells directly from our iPhone apps. We’ve engaged with the teachings of spiritual teachers far and wide (try it for yourself and watch our free Refreshing Our Hearts live stream with Thich Nhat Hanh on 10/26).

Finally, as someone who is currently learning to speak Portuguese, technology has unlocked an invaluable world of tools and resources. I take lessons via Skype from a woman in Lisbon, have an iPhone app that acts as a deck of flashcards (complete with proper pronunciation!), I stream Portuguese radio throughout the day, and there are online communities like The Mixxer designed specifically for people who want to practice speaking new languages with one another via the internet—none of which would exist without the digital world.

The bottom line is that things are always evolving. In fact, change is one of the only constants in our lives, so why not embrace this new frontier with an open heart?  It comes to this: Can we be grateful for it as well as cautious of it?

So, what is your opinion? And, how does technology act as a benefit or a burden in your own life?

jaimeblog

How to Cope with Shame, the Master Emotion

Shame has been called the master emotion because it takes over our bodies and our minds.  It can freeze our nervous system.  It can place us in a fog, unable to seek help, reassess a situation or reassess what is really going on. Shame defeats our ability to reflect on ourselves, get some support, and move on. Shame can be overwhelming, but if we can look at it clearly and catch it before it takes over, we can cope with it and create conditions that can transform it from an enemy into a friend.

This is not academic to us.  We are both well-acquainted with the experience of shame. Co-author of Embracing Shame, Sheila Rubin has been researching shame since she was a shy five-year-old. “In my twenties, I remember having a new job and being so worried about being late for a first meeting that I showed up early and accidentally interrupted a lunch that was happening in the room,” notes Sheila. “I froze in embarrassment. I remember the shame voice saying to me: ‘What’s wrong with me?  Maybe they shouldn’t hire me because something is wrong with me.’  Fortunately, while I was holding the door knob, frozen in shame, someone opened the door and invited me in with kindness.”

Embracing Shame co-author, Bret Lyon, remembers that, as a kid, when the gym teacher blew the whistle and said to pick teams. Everyone else was picked first. He still remembers trying to pretend it didn’t matter while he felt like dying inside.

One client accepted extra work even though he does not want to work weekends because he wants to be liked and couldn’t say “no” because it would be embarrassing.

Another client spoke of shame seeping into her mind about the changes in her body since giving birth. She is happy to be a mother, but the changes in her body and the inner dialogue in her mind keep her in shame circles. The differences between how she experienced her body and how she feels now is shame.

Our inner conversations may say a variety of unhelpful things. For many of us, it is the voice of not being good enough. Or we might feel like an imposter. If our partner or boss says that we made a mistake, that may be a trigger for a shame attack.

Here are some clues to know when shame may be operating in your mind and body:

Thoughts: There’s something wrong with me and I don’t want anyone to know. Maybe I am an imposter and I need to hide.

Sensations: Feeling shy, face flushed, brain can freeze, difficulty having a conversation.

Reactions: Embarrassed, going blank, blaming others, using activity to numb, withdrawing. Not able to write or think clearly and not know why.

Coping with shame

If, instead of letting shame take over, we can be with and observe our shame, we can actually begin to learn something from it.  We can begin to transform shame from a toxic disruptor to a useful informant, from a devastating foe to a useful ally.

Here are a few experiments to try when you notice shame coming up. Instead of putting yourself down, try one, then reflect on the results and write them down in a journal or in your notes app:

Be kind to yourself. Say something kind to yourself to ease the shame.

Pause and take a breath. Pausing for even a few seconds or one minute can offer a new perspective. How might this allow you to set a new boundary or reframe your story in a healthier way?

Set boundaries. Is there an extra shift you cannot take this week? Can you say stop or politely decline?

Name your feelings. Notice what didn’t feel good in your reaction. Can you talk about what you’re feeling in a different way?

Ground yourself. Tap your feet or feel the earth under your feet.

Get support. Talk to a friend who is kind and who can hear your feelings.

Spend time in nature. Take a few minutes to bathe in nature to refresh and replenish.

Understand that change happens slowly. Talk back to the shame inside yourself for a bit and find if the shame can be a little less toxic. Even a small shift or change can help you move forward rather than staying stuck.

Being friends with your shame can begin to change yourself and your life. When toxic shame lifts there can be access to creativity and new doors can open. The weight of heaviness can be put down and we can have new hope for the future. The reason we do this work is so others can find hope when there is shame and they can transform it and heal it.

Sheila Rubin, MA, LMFT, RDT/BCT, has been researching shame since she was five years old. Along with her husband and colleague, Bret Lyon, she is a founder and codirector of the Center for Healing Shame, and cocreator of the Healing Shame–Lyon/Rubin Method. Through their popular workshops, they have taught thousands of psychotherapists, coaches, and other helping professionals across the world to more effectively identify and work with shame. Sheila is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Registered Drama Therapist, and has taught at JFK University and CIIS, as well as being the eating disorder specialist at a hospital and directing Embodied Life Stories performances. For more, visit healingshame.com.

Bret Lyon, PhD, SEP has devoted almost two decades of his life to healing shame. Along with his wife and colleague, Sheila Rubin, he is a founder and codirector of the Center for Healing Shame, and cocreator of the Healing Shame–Lyon/Rubin Method. Through their popular workshops, they have taught thousands of psychotherapists, coaches, and other helping professionals across the world how to more effectively identify and work with shame. Bret holds doctorates in both psychology and drama and has taught at Tufts University, Pomona College, and the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, as well as writing and directing plays in regional theater and off-off Broadway. For more, visit healingshame.com.

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E44: Living Life Beyond Fear and Desire

Life can be lived at varying levels, though most people are trapped in the cycles of seeking desires and avoiding fears. The key to deeper living lies in addressing internal blockages and embracing life’s unfolding with acceptance. This frees you to connect with the natural flow of inner energy, or Shakti, which results in a profound sense of love, joy, and unity with existence.

For more information, go to michaelsingerpodcast.com.

© Sounds True Inc. Episodes: © 2025 Michael A. Singer. All Rights Reserved.

E34: The Stairway to Heaven: A Guide to Spiritual Grow...

Spiritual experiences are inspiring but very different from the permanent state of spiritual realization. Momentary highs are temporary because, afterward, our consciousness is still lost in our thoughts, emotions, and learned preferences, which continue to drive our reactions and struggles in life. Deep growth begins by realizing you are not your thoughts or emotions but the observer of them. The everyday commitment to inner work that releases past emotional blockages, fears, and preferences is how you climb the permanent stairway to heaven. The ultimate goal is transcending the ego and experiencing the eternal oneness of your existence.

For more information, go to michaelsingerpodcast.com.

© Sounds True Inc. Episodes: © 2024 Michael A. Singer. All Rights Reserved.

E26: Why the Outside Affects the Inside: Finding Inner...

If our consciousness dwells inside, why do external circumstances have such a strong effect on our inner well-being? It is attachment to past experiences that creates a mental filter that distorts reality as it comes in. By releasing stored emotions and judgments, we can access a natural state of joy and peace, regardless of external events. The path to self-realization involves continuous self-awareness and letting go of attachments, ultimately leading to a life of authenticity, freedom, and bliss.

For more information, go to michaelsingerpodcast.com.

© Sounds True Inc. Episodes: © 2024 Michael A. Singer. All Rights Reserved.

E23: The Journey from Fear to Freedom

Your life here on Earth is limited to the time between your birth and death. What do you want to do with that time? Do you want to live a life based on mental fears and emotional insecurities? People spend tremendous energy trying to protect themselves from psychological discomfort and rejection. You do not have to live that life—you can live a life of acceptance, where external circumstances no longer have the power to control your mental or emotional state.

For more information, go to michaelsingerpodcast.com.

© Sounds True Inc. Episodes: © 2024 Michael A. Singer. All Rights Reserved.

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