Tami Simon speaks with Karla McLaren, an award-winning author and empath whose approach to working with emotions has helped countless numbers of people heal from trauma. She is the author of The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You, as well as the Sounds True audio learning series on The Language of Emotions about how to unlock and learn from the wisdom held within each of our emotions. Karla discusses what it means to be an empath, how to talk to children about their emotions, viewing emotions in terms other than positive versus negative, and learning how to listen to our emotions. (54 minutes)
The essence of yogic teachings is that the universe is a single field of consciousness vibrating at different rates, manifesting as everything from physical matter to thoughts and emotions. At the human level, consciousness is the unchanging witness of our thoughts, emotions, and sensory experiences. Our sense of freedom is lost when we identify with what we are conscious of instead of consciousness itself. Suffering is created when we develop a false concept of self and try to make the outside world match this concept. Spirituality is not about controlling life to match our concepts but about freeing ourselves from them so consciousness can rest in its true nature, which is one of unconditional joy and peace.
What do I do when a loved one is suffering? How do I have empathy if I’m getting a divorce or losing my job? If my family treats me unfairly? Or if I’m emotionally overwhelmed or in chronic pain?
If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, I’ve written The Genius of Empathy for you. It also includes a beautiful foreword by His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
In the book, I present empathy as a healing force that helps you overcome obstacles in your life with dignity, grace, and power. As a psychiatrist and empath, I draw from my insights and present techniques from my own life and from the healing journeys of my clients, students, and readers. As I say in the book, “Empathy softens the struggle, quiets the unkind voices, and lets you befriend yourself again.”
Empathy doesn’t mean being “on call” 24 hours a day for those in need. Empaths can often wear an invisible sign that says, “I can help you.” However, if you want to heal yourself, have better relationships, and contribute to healing our tumultuous world, you must learn how to set healthy boundaries and observe, not absorb, the energy of others.
To start taking a more proactive role in how much empathy you give others at any one time, I suggest that you keep in mind the following “rights.” They will help you maintain a healthy mindset and prevent or lessen any empathy overwhelm that might arise:
I have the right to say a loving, positive “no” or “no, thank-you.”
I have the right to set limits with how long I listen to people’s problems.
I have the right to rest and not be always available to everyone.
I have the right to quiet peacefulness in my home and in my heart.
Practice: Take a Sound Break to Repair Yourself
Plan periods of quiet to recover from our noisy, fast-paced world. This helps calm your nervous system and your mind, an act of self-empathy.
It’s rejuvenating to schedule at least five minutes of quiet or, even better, complete silence for an hour or more where no one can intrude. As I do, hang a Do Not Disturb sign on your office or bedroom door. During this reset period, you’ve officially escaped from the world. You’re free of demands and noxious sounds. You may also get noise canceling earbuds to block out noise.
If too much quiet is unsettling, go for a walk in a local park or a peaceful neighborhood to decompress from excessive sound stimulation. Simply focus on putting one foot in front of the other, which is called mindful walking. Nothing to do. Nothing to be. Move slowly and refrain from talking. If thoughts come, keep refocusing on your breath, each inhalation and exhalation. Just letting life settle will regenerate your body and empathic heart.
Embracing your empathy does require courage. It can feel scary. If you’re ready to discover its healing power, I would be honored to be your guide to helping you in overcoming your fears and obstacles, and enhancing this essential skill for long-term change.
Though many of us have never met, I feel connected to you. Connection is what fuels life. While empathy is what allows you to find peace. With both, we can make sense of this world together.
Digital Audio
Ignite empathy as a superpower for personal healing, deeper relationships, and more potent work in the world. New York Times bestselling author Dr. Judith Orloff draws on insights from neuroscience, psychology, and energy medicine to show us how to access our sensitivities, soothe our nervous systems, and embody our most fierce and authentic selves.
Tami Simon speaks with Ainslie MacLeod, a psychic who, for more than a decade, has collaborated with spirit guides to gain insight into significant past-life experiences. He’s the author of two Sounds True books including The Instruction, and most recently, The Transformation. In addition to his books, Ainslie can be heard in a three-part online course on Healing Your Past-Life Fears, beginning May 3, 2010, at 8 p.m. Eastern Time at SoundsTrue.com. Ainslie discusses how we can recognize, work with, and resolve past-life fears as well as how we can connect with our own spirit guides. (48 minutes)
How do we make our closest relationships our top priority in life? What does the latest neuroscience tell us about how our minds affect the way we respond to challenges in relating to others? How can we improve our brains to improve our relationships? In part one of this dialogue between Tami Simon and psychotherapist and author Dr. Stan Tatkin, we explore these questions and more to help us shift out of conflict and into deeper connection. (61 minutes)
John Prendergast is a psychotherapist, spiritual teacher, and the editor-in-chief of Undivided: The Online Journal of Nonduality and Psychology. With Sounds True, John has published the new book In Touch: How to Tune In to Inner Guidance of Your Body and Trust Yourself. In this episode of Insights at the Edge John and Tami Simon talk about the concept of “inner knowing” and its four hallmarks, which also double as gateways into experiencing it more fully. At Tami’s request, John leads listeners through a series of guided visualizations to give them a brief taste of their own inner knowing. Finally, John and Tami discuss the painful conditioning these exercises can evoke, and how we can inquire into our core limiting beliefs to reach a deeper sense of self-trust. (64 minutes)
