Love under the surface

Sounds True —

March 20, 2013

One of the things I have been starting to notice is the “secret language of love” that can be felt under the surface of what is happening. I am noticing it with friends, with Sounds True authors, and with co-workers and with all kinds of people. I am calling it “secret” because it is not spoken about or acknowledged; I find myself noticing the feelings of love but not voicing them for fear that I will seem inappropriate or out of context or that there is no basis for me to be having the types of feelings that I am having, so better to just keep it to myself.

I can give a concrete example: Recently, I traveled with two co-workers to California to video record a lecture series. We met at the airport and spent 5 days basically glued together working on this project. One person in our group is a producer who has worked at ST for 13 years. The other is an audio-video technician who has worked at the company for 10+ years (interestingly, before this trip together, I knew both of these people had worked at ST for quite some time, but it was all a blur to me. I only found out their actual longevity at the company during this trip). And during this trip, we all found out a lot about each other, about each other’s personal lives and families and early upbringing. The curious thing to me was at the end of 5 days I felt so connected and bonded with these two men who work at Sounds True. Previously, I had been in short conversations with both of these people, in the hallways, in meetings, at Sounds True parties. But we had never spent any real time together, let alone three meals a day for 5 days, traveling and working as a closely-knit team.

The experience made me reflect on what it must be like for people who play on sports teams together or even people in the armed forces or other groups of people who work closely with each other in intense, collaborative settings. I felt in my core how “tribal” I am by nature, how instinctively I become part of a group or pod. And most importantly, the huge amount of love that is potentially present right below the surface between me and other people if I am willing to take some time away from the “task orientation” that I usually bring to work and instead simply listen and tune to what could be called “the relational field.”

And what I am finding is that whether it is through dreams (night dreams as well as day dreams) or spontaneous love eruptions that I feel in my being, there is so much love under the surface in so many of my interactions with other people, interactions which on the surface appear fairly tame and functionally-oriented. Underneath, there is a wild, upwelling of heart. It feels risky to say so, but how strange that what so many of us value the most – love—has become something that needs to be whispered or only voiced in socially appropriate ways. I want to sing about it from the rooftops. But since I can’t sing, I am writing this blog post instead.

Why does the love we feel under the surface for so many different kinds of people need to be kept secret and not voiced? Because we are afraid that someone will think we are being sexually inappropriate or crossing a boundary? What if we could make our sexual boundaries so clear and reliable and trust-worthy that our voicing of the love we feel would not be misunderstood or misconstrued, but instead simply received as the heart’s outpouring of the recognition of how our souls are touching and co-creating. That is the type of wild love I wish to voice.

Posted March 20, 2013

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Six Summer Reads You Won’t Want to Miss!

Sounds True — July 3, 2018

After the stillness of winter and the slow waking of spring, summer is a time for getting up, getting out, and getting our hands on what inspires us the most. Here are some recent Sounds True releases for tapping into a life well lived.

1. The Biophilia Effect – Clemens G. Arvay

Summer Super Sale - The Biophilia Effect

This is a book that celebrates our interconnection with nature and shows how to deeply engage the natural world wherever you live to dramatically improve your health. Clemens G. Arvay presents fascinating research, practical tools and activities,

inspiring stories, and more in this accessible guide to the remarkable benefits of being in nature.

Get it here: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/the-biophilia-effect.html

2. The Healing Code of Nature – Clemens G. Arvay

The Healing Code of Nature - Clemens G. Arvay

Human beings are inseparable from the natural world, coevolving with all of life. In order to thrive, we need to nourish this bond. In his latest book, biologist Clemens G. Arvay illuminates the miraculous ways that the human body interprets the living “code” of plants, animals, and our larger natural habitat for healing and sustenance.

Get it here: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/the-healing-code-of-nature.html

3. Book of Beasties – Sarah Seidelman

Summer Super Sale - Book of Beasties

“From an ancient perspective, everything—including all natural things, like rocks, flowers, trees, insects, birds, and mammals

—is alive and infused with conscious energy or spirit,” writes Sarah Seidelmann. If you’re one of the many people looking to reconnect with the creativity, wisdom, and vital energy of the natural world, here is a fantastic guide for tapping into the power of animal totems, or “beasties.”

Get it here: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/book-of-beasties.html

4. No Recipe – Edward Espe Brown

“Making your love manifest, transforming your spirit, good heart, and able hands into food is a great undertaking,” writes renowned chef and Zen priest Edward Espe Brown, “one that will nourish you in the doing, in the offering, and in the eating.” With No Recipe: Cooking as Spiritual Practice, Brown beautifully blends expert cooking advice with thoughtful reflections on meaning, joy, and life itself.

Get it here: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/no-recipe.html

5. Yoga Friends – Mariam Gates & Rolf Gates

Summer Super Sale - Yoga Friends From the creators of Good Night Yoga and Good Morning Yoga comes a beautifully illustrated city adventure that introduces children to the delights and benefits of partner yoga.

Perfect for teaming up with a friend, sibling, parent, or caregiver, each easy practice shows how cooperation helps us to imagine, move, and have fun in a whole new way.

Includes a back-page guide for parents and caregivers, showing how to do each pose and how to connect them into an easy-to-follow flow.

Get it here: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/yoga-friends.html

6. Happier Now – Nataly Kogan

What if you could be happier, right now, without radically changing your life? As nationally recognized happiness expert Nataly Kogan teaches, happiness is not a nice feeling or a frivolous extra. It’s a critical, non-negotiable ingredient for living a fulfilling, meaningful, and healthy life—and it’s a skill that we can all learn and improve through practice. In Happier Now, Nataly shares an illuminating, inspiring, and science-based guide to help you build your happier skills and live with more joy, starting now.

Get it here: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/happier-now.html

Have other books you’ve read by the poolside or under a shade tree ended up changing the way you see the world? Tell us about those summer reads that ended up being more than you expected!

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Singing Bowl Meditation Sounds True Spotify Playlist

Sounds True — November 29, 2017

Sounds True is on Spotify!

Need some tunes for rest and relaxation? Check out our Singing Bowl Meditation Playlist! A variety of artists who make a soothing mix of infinite rhythms using Tibetan singing bowls. Perfect throughout a meditative practice.

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November New Releases and Giveaway

Sounds True — November 20, 2017

NOVEMBER NEW RELEASES

The Integrity Advantage by Kelly Kosow

Are you ready to open up to new levels of self-trust and self-love, to get where you want to go?

You vowed to speak up at work, and then sat silent in the meeting yet again.

You told yourself “this time the diet is going to stick,” only to watch the scale inching up.

You felt that something just wasn’t right about someone that—until you learned the hard way that your instincts were right.

“Every time you bite your tongue,” teaches Kelley Kosow, “you swallow your integrity.”

Before Kelley Kosow was a renowned life coach and CEO, she constantly second-guessed herself, let her “to-do” lists and others steer her dreams and passions, and played it “small and safe.”

Inspired by the groundbreaking principles of her renowned mentor Debbie Ford, who hand-picked Kelley to be her successor, The Integrity Advantage is Kelley’s step-by-step guide for facing the fear, shame, and false beliefs that cause us to lose our way.

Through life-changing insights, true stories, and proven strategies, this book will show you how to live on your own terms—according to you—from the inside out.

Daring to Rest by Karen Brody

As modern women, we’re taught that we can do it all, have it all, and be it all. While this freedom is beautiful, it’s also exhausting. Being a “worn-out woman” is now so common that we think feeling tired all the time is normal. According to Karen Brody, feeling this exhausted is not normal—and it’s holding us back. In Daring to Rest, Brody comes to the rescue with a 40-day program to help you reclaim rest and access your most powerful, authentic self through yoga nidra, a meditative practice that guides you into one of the deepest states of relaxation imaginable.

It’s time to lie down and begin the journey to waking up

Breathe and Be by Anna Emilia Laitinen and Kate Coombs

Teaching mindfulness helps kids learn to stay calm, regulate their emotions, and appreciate the world around them. With Breathe and Be, author Kate Coombs and illustrator Anna Emilia Laitinen team up to present a book of poetry and art for young readers to make mindfulness easy, natural, and beautiful. Here is a book sure to delight parents and kids alike, blending lovingly illustrated nature imagery with elegant verse about living with awareness and inner peace.

Leopard Warrior by John Lockley

A Teaching Memoir That Crosses the Barriers Between Worlds

A shaman is one who has learned to move between two worlds: our physical reality and the realm of spirits. For John Lockley, shamanic training also meant learning to cross the immense divide of race and culture in South Africa.

As a medic drafted into the South African military in 1990, John Lockley had a powerful dream. “Even though I am a white man of Irish and English descent, I knew in my bones that I had received my calling to become a sangoma, a traditional South African shaman,” John writes. “I felt blessed by the ancient spirit of Africa, and I knew that I had started on a journey filled with magic and danger.” His path took him from the hills of South Korea, where he trained as a student under Zen Master Su Bong, to the rural African landscape of the Eastern Cape and the world of the sangoma mystic healers, where he found his teacher in the medicine woman called MaMngwev

Things That Join the Sea and the Sky by Mark Nepo

A Reader for Navigating the Depths of Our Lives

The Universe holds us and tosses us about, only to hold us again. With Things That Join the Sea and the Sky, Mark Nepo brings us a compelling treasury of short prose reflections to turn to when struggling to keep our heads above water, and to breathe into all of our sorrows and joys.

Inspired by his own journal writing across 15 years, this book shares with us some of Mark’s most personal work. Many passages arise from accounts of his own life events—moments of “sinking and being lifted”—and the insights they yielded. Through these passages, we’re encouraged to navigate our own currents of sea and sky, and to discover something fundamental yet elusive: How, simply, to be here.

To be enjoyed in many ways—individually, by topic, or as an unfolding sequence—Things That Join the Sea and the Sky presents 145 contemplations gathered into 17 themes, each intended to illuminate specific situations.

NOVEMBER GIVEAWAY

WIN OUR NEW RELEASE BUNDLE:The Integrity Advantage, Daring to Rest, Breathe and Be, Leopard Warrior, and Things That Join the Sea and the Sky

TO ENTER: Simply reply in the comments with why you’d like to win!

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Stefani Goerlich: Understanding Kink and Advocating fo...

Stefani Goerlich — October 10, 2023

You’re kinky but your partner is vanilla. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Perhaps you’ve always known; perhaps you just found out. So how do you talk about it? And what happens next?

In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with “edge expert,” certified sex therapist, and master social worker Dr. Stefani Goerlich about her new book, With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect. Give a listen to this much-needed discussion about destigmatizing kink and expanding our definition of a healthy relationship, as Tami and Stefani discuss: reassessing our sexual attitudes; how kinky became taboo; bringing kink into the “cultural redemption arc”; the misconceptions about trauma and kink; the concept of authority exchange; surrender and relaxation; kink as a relational, not a sexual, behavior; moving from secrecy to shared knowledge; decorating and enhancing one’s “core vanilla-ness”; discovering your fantasies; the nature of fetishes; understanding your erotic map; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

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Erotic Authenticity: Replacing Shame with Celebration

Stefani Goerlich — October 2, 2023

Sometime last year, I was having a conversation with a close relative of mine. I had sent them a recent news story I was quoted in and had been met with… silence. Eventually, I nudged a little bit and they responded, saying “I’m sorry, I just can’t be proud of someone who talks about sex and sex toys for a living. It’s embarrassing.” As we unpacked this statement, it became clear that they were unable to see the good—any good—in my work. As a therapist, as a writer, as an educator… my work was shameful in their eyes. In that moment, I understood my clients in a way I never had before.

With Sprinkles on Top was already finished by the time this occurred, but if it hadn’t? This conversation would have inspired me to write it. It can be incredibly painful to have someone you love tell you that “What you do is wrong. Who you are is not OK.” Many kinky people are afraid that if they share their innermost selves with the ones they love most, they too will be rejected, written off as broken or creepy or wrong. I wrote Sprinkles because I believe deeply that every single human being deserves to feel loved and worthy and whole, to know that their innermost desires are not just valid but beautiful, and to find others who can celebrate this beauty and their relationships together with them.

Sprinkles is also written for the partners of these kinky people, many of whom tell me that, if their spouse had just been willing to share their desires, they would have happily explored with them. For the spouses who don’t understand the fantasies or intimate practices they’re learning about and who need a guide to help them navigate these new relationship waters. For the men and women who call my office afraid—afraid that there’s something wrong with their partner or something inadequate in themselves.

They want me to “fix” them. I want to celebrate them.

With Sprinkles on Top is not a “how to” book. It’s a “what now?” book. My goal is to celebrate the things that make each person and each relationship unique and delightful—and to help them discover new unique qualities in themselves and new ways to delight one another. I want to celebrate vanilla relationship values while also normalizing and affirming kinky identities. I want to help my readers find new and exciting ways to enhance their own core sexual and relational “flavor” through interactive activities they do by themselves and with their partner.

Differences in desire represent an exciting opportunity to strengthen and reinforce the bonds of intimacy and trust we have created within our relationships, while also expanding the erotic playground we enjoy together. We don’t have to change who we are. We don’t have to be ashamed of what we want or embarrassed to talk about it. Sexuality, desire, and intimacy are, to me, sacred gifts. I’m honored to be able to help my readers, my clients, and others to build happier, healthier relationships with their bodies, their partners, and themselves. I hope you enjoy the process of finding your sprinkles and using them to communicate, explore, and connect with the one(s) you love.

Kol Tuv,

Stefani Goerlich

Stefani Goerlich, PhD, LMSW-Clinical, LISW, LCSW, CST, is a certified sex therapist and master social worker who specializes in working with gender, sexuality, and relationships. She is a sought-after clinical supervisor, media consultant, and conference presenter who has appeared in media ranging from CNN and the Washington Post to Cosmopolitan and Teen Vogue. She is the award-winning author of the professional books The Leather Couch and Kink-Affirming Practice.

Author photo © Kim Williams

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Tami Simon: Being a Spiritual Entrepreneur

Tami Simon — August 22, 2023

A magazine article about Sounds True founder Tami Simon referred to her as a “spiritual entrepreneur.” At first, Tami wasn’t sure about the label. Yet over time, she came to appreciate and embrace it. Today, the art of spiritual entrepreneurship is a central facet of Sounds True’s Inner MBA® program.

In this host-only episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami shares her thoughts and feelings about what it means to lead a company dedicated to the well-being of its employees as equally as it is to business success. For anyone looking to bridge their innermost values with how they make a living, Tami reveals seven principles of the spiritual entrepreneur, with insightful guidance on honoring the voice of the heart; leading with presence; why relationships need to come first; creating a culture of care, engagement, and well-being; alternating between high performance and good rest; how to embrace challenges as growth opportunities; claiming our personal agency and doing the work of “cleaning up”; business as a means to address real social needs; maintaining trust in the unfolding process; making a commitment to “lift each other up” in the way we do business; recognizing our interdependence; and more.

Johanne says:

March 20, 2013 at 2:14 pm

Thank you, Tami. That was beautiful. This really struck a chord in me, as I also experienced the love under the surface this morning. As I was running with my young dog (5 months old), a wonderful German Sheppard, in a traffic-free area, it quite unexpectedly took off to greet a man and his little child coming out from a cottage by the road. Even though my dog is very kind and calm, the man was visibly annoyed by this incident, not because he didn’t approve of the dog, but because it wasn’t on a leash. “We have many deer around here, and just last week one of them ran to its death, chased by dogs. Soon they will have their little calves – and if you care about animals at all, you must please keep your dog on a leash.” I did feel like explaining that my dog was under control (or that was what I thought!) and that he never had showed any interest in chasing deer in the forest as we had encountered them earlier. “Yes, he is nice and all, but his instinct are getting stronger and you can’t be sure of him from now on. One fatal mistake can be enough. Would you really like to be responsible for a deer dying while hanging on a fence?” “Ok,” I replied, feeling quite embarrassed, “I do agree with you, and I will keep him on a leash from now on.” The conversation went on for a little bit, and we said “Goodbye” on almost friendly terms. As I continued my run a feeling of gratefulness filled my heart, and the incident, to me, was a gentle, though humiliating, warning and an act of love. The quite respectful manner in which the man warned me, made me really open up to his message. I had long been slightly in doubt of how much freedom to give my dog, but now I could see clearly that it was time to “tighten the rope a bit”, to protect us both from an accident with possibly a heartbreaking outcome. I even felt my dog being grateful, as he ran beside me, doing better on his leash than ever before.

Rupa Westbrook says:

March 24, 2013 at 8:38 pm

wow…i cried reading your story…it could be mine even
though i don’t have a dog…the sensitivity, humility, the
courage not to be ‘right” but to take responsibility for us
all…i’m touched and i thank you for sharing.
luv rupa

Reply

DS says:

March 21, 2013 at 9:24 am

Tami – thank you for all you do – Your interviews have enriched my life – thank you to all the technicians or should I say magicians? at ST too. Dena

Susan says:

March 21, 2013 at 9:57 am

This brings something vital into my awareness. It is so easy to focus on other things, such as what is wrong with this or that or her or him.. but this is such a nice practice.. Seeing love under the surface. It really is there in the smallest of actions – the clerk that is patient with my fumbling in the purse, the driver who lets me in line, the person who smiles at me for no reason, the strangers who stopped to help me when my car died, the attention and comments fm Facebook comrades, and on and on.. Also, the practice could expand to being love in the smallest of ways in my daily rounds.. You really have me reflecting here.. Thanks..

Sherry says:

March 21, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Oh Tami, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have felt the same thing recently. If you were here right now, I would hug you!

Sylvia says:

March 21, 2013 at 9:35 pm

Tami, sounds like your heart is open, aware and resonating with love. Love to you for your work to bring words of awareness and love to others <3.

RW Lindholm says:

March 21, 2013 at 9:45 pm

Tami, Thank you for sharing your insight. I often have the same sort of feelings. Like I need to share an outpouring of love to another, yet I hold back for fear that it would be misinterpreted. It’s truly saddening to me that our society has become so fearful of sharing acts of loving kindness.

Suzanne MacDonald says:

March 22, 2013 at 6:36 am

Thank you Tami–I really resonated with what you shared and have had similiar experiences of love but held back expressing it for fear of it being misinterpreted as inappropriate, when it was truly a heartfelt love and appreciation of how we are connected in this human experience. I appreciate your sharing…..and love you! 🙂

Rupa Westbrook says:

March 24, 2013 at 8:44 pm

aloha tami, i love that i stumbled across your blog while cruising around
Sounds True….just the sound of your voice introducing speakers always
brings deep sense of respect and love. i too feel what you share. a few
months ago i had a dinner party to celebrate my 60th and there was so
much love at that party i remember feeling that my body could hardly
contain it. at the moment i am listening to carolyn myess and she talks
of how much our need to be in social contact….i suppose the more the
more possibility to convey our amazing connection and to speak or show
our love that sits just under the surface waiting to spill forth. i too am
sending an astral hug. sooooooo much love rupa

Josie Cohen says:

April 3, 2013 at 4:31 pm

Dear Tami, I have often wondered whether the utter respect and wonder for humanity I hear in your voice is consciously produced.Reading your blog now I know its not. I am listening to ” The Acceptance Project”(Thank you for it) and your interaction with the presenters for me is as useful as their input. To me you are the Maria Callas of the spoken word. Your intellect and courageous generosity in sharing that with the world is beautiful.
I hear what you are saying about secret love. Dr Martinez made me realize that for some people what for some may be a display or sharing of affection for them it is toxic. My sense is that because you are so sensitive you are picking up on it and appropriately holding back. May I refer you to the work of Dr Elaine N Aron a researcher on “The Highly Sensitive Person”. She has done research on areas that Dr CPE turns into stories and poetry. I have a fantasy of having you, Dr CPE and Dr Martinez for dinner with Carolyn Myss joining us for Coffee. May God Bless you and keep you. You are precious.

Sunnie N C Ezeanya says:

June 20, 2013 at 8:29 am

Tami,
This is beautiful! I agree with you totally.