4 Ways to Value and Build More Joy Into This Holiday Season
The holiday season sometimes feel like brief moments of joy thrown together with an awful lot of unsettled intensity. Attending to those easier times doesn’t mean we should ignore the unpleasant, but we can aim to not get so caught up in it. It is often expectations, anxieties, and perfectionism that amp up our holiday experience. Focusing on what we value and giving those times our most direct attention, we end up with a happier and more restorative holiday season.
Give happier moments your full attention, as you would a meditation
Whenever you catch yourself distracted from a moment of ease, come back. That could be through spending a few minutes alone, or with a favorite person or pet. It could mean taking in a party while the room feels full of connection and excitement. Or savoring a favorite food. Notice when you’re distracted by future planning, problem solving, or past conflicts, and in an unforced way, immerse yourself in a joyful moment.
Let go of expectations and comparison
Don’t ‘should’ on your holidays by thinking they should be better or resemble that family’s holidays or resemble holidays from ten years ago. These holidays will never, by definition, be the same as any other. If something truly has you down, even that gets complicated by ‘should’—like thinking you should be joyful when you’re not. Ever find yourself doing something because you should, instead of wanting or needing to? Whenever you notice ‘should-ing,’ see if you can note the thoughts and come back to whatever you feel best.
Let go of perfection
Check in with what you value and want to give to others. Ease, connection, what most comes to mind? Let go of stories about what must unfold in some precise way to meet your holiday standard. Wishes are one thing (I hope we’re all happy and healthy), perfection is unlikely (everyone better get along this year for once).
Sustain yourself
Let go, when you choose (and without hassling yourself), of how you typically live while keeping up with whatever keeps you strong. How little sleep and exercise are okay before you implode emotionally? How much indulging before you feel miserable the next day and maybe one after that? How much stress relates to getting physically run down? And then, always remember that practicing gratitude and giving to others may be one of the most valuable, sustaining choices we have. Happy holidays!
Mark Bertin is a pediatrician, author, professor, and mindfulness teacher specializing in neurodevelopmental behavioral pediatrics. He is the author of How Children Thrive: The Practical Science of Raising Independent, Resilient, and Happy Kids, a regular contributor to Mindful.org, HuffPost, and Psychology Today. Dr. Bertin resides in Pleasantville, New York. For more, visit developmentaldoctor.com.
The community here at Sounds True wishes you a lovely holiday season! We are happy to collaborate with some of our Sounds True authors to offer you wisdom and practices as we move into this time together; please enjoy this blog series for your holiday season.
To help encourage you and your loved ones to explore new possibilities this holiday season, we’re offering 40% off nearly all of our programs, books, and courses sitewide. May you find the wisdom to light your way.
Getting Started: Finding Your Full Truth and Inner Freedom
Truth has a fullness to it. If we want to hold it in its essence and in its entirety, we need to acknowledge all aspects of it, even the ones we do not like. This is no easy task, but if our intention is to truly sit on the throne of our lives, then facing ourselves is essential.
When we acknowledge our shadows, we will face all the feelings that we’ve locked up inside: all the embarrassment, desire, instability, anger, or whatever has been hidden for so long. As uncomfortable as it is for a time, we also free ourselves—because then we really own ourselves. We grow in the process, becoming an example of what is possible when we take ownership of ourselves and our lives.
To get you started on your journey to your full truth and inner freedom, consider these questions for reflection taken from my new book, Freedom Is an Inside Job. I also offer you a short video on befriending your darkness.
- How have you hurt people in your life? What part of your personality inflicts this hurt? Can you look at this part of yourself directly, without giving excuses or justifications for what you do?
- What do you dislike the most in people’s characters? What does such dislike trigger in you?
- What if instead of pointing the finger at what you don’t like in others, you pointed the finger at yourself? What might you see if you did that?
- What would it take to transform your own shadow? Not destroy it, but transform it. What are the incentives to change?
- Can you show compassion to your own shadow? Can you use it to ignite certain positive actions and not get stuck or entrenched in it?
Zainab Salbi is a humanitarian, author, and media personality. She’s been featured by CNN, MSNBC, Oprah, People, The Guardian, HuffPost, and more. Salbi resides in New York City. For more, visit zainabsalbi.com.
Buy your copy of Freedom Is an Inside Job at your favorite bookseller!
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6 Stress-Busting Techniques from a Cardiologist
For many heart patients, stress is the elephant in the room – not only around the holidays, but all the time. When we discuss why they missed their goals for proper exercise, nutrition, abstinence from smoking, and proper sleep, stress is often the reason. Here are some stress-management tips taken from a series of lectures I’ve given – I share them with the hope that they help manage stresses in your life.
Adaptogens
When I talk to patients about stress, I begin by describing adaptogens, or herbs that appear useful in stabilizing physiology and improving anxiety and stress. I do this because so many of them are already using pills — typically benzodiazepines like Xanax and Ativan — and my goal is to get them off those prescription medications ASAP. Frankly, substituting one pill for another is something most patients accept faster than any other technique. I’ve had success in many patients using L-theanine 200 mg twice a day and ashwagandha 500 mg twice daily, usually together. Even elderly patients report they feel less stressed and more functional. Rhodiola is another adaptogen I like because it’s been studied in heart patients and shows benefits for their symptoms. I recommend 100 mg a day.
Breath-work
There are many styles of breath-work, but I find I can teach my patients the 4-7-8 breathing practice in the office in just a few minutes, and they use it right away. I refer them to an online video created for children, and ask them to practice this at home and use it in their daily routine:
Meditation
Teaching meditation is a longer process than the first two techniques, but has been shown to benefit heart patients and should be taught routinely. I ask them to study the Kirtan Kriya taught by Dr. Khalsa because it’s only 12 minutes and is supported by great research results at UCLA. When I tell them that they may slow aging and improve their memory while dealing with their stress, they’re eager to use it in their lives.
HeartMath
This is an online program using heart-centered breathing and positive emotions to restore balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. It requires purchasing a cable that clips on the earlobe and connects to a smartphone, tablet or a PC. I recommend it to patients because it resembles a game, is easy to learn, and is supported by published scientific studies showing lower blood pressure, lower cortisol levels, improved memory, and better school performance.
Yoga
Different styles of yoga have been studied in a variety of serious stress disorders including cancer, post-trauma, and addictions, and has been found to be beneficial even when tested using rigorous scientific study design. Yoga can be adapted for the elderly using only a chair; it provides a sense of community, and offers some cardio benefit as well.
Massage
My patients ask me if massage is worthwhile, and when I tell them that medical benefits have been identified for this therapy, including blood pressure and stress reduction, they’re excited.
Will these six tips help offer something for everyone? Unfortunately, there are people who aren’t willing to try and stick with these practices, and others who have unrealistic expectations. There are other approaches to consider, including essential oils, music, exercise proper nutrition, hormonal balance, and improved GI tract function. I refer challenging patients to holistic psychiatrists and counselors.
I remind my patients of a story about a man speaking to a religious leader repeating over and over that he was frustrated with the stresses in life. The leader suggested they take a walk, and stopped in front of a cemetery. The man asked why they stopped there and the leader replied, “They are the only people who have no worries and stress, for the rest of us, we need to manage and work out the issues.”
Looking for more great reads?
Dr. Kahn is a Clinical Professor of Medicine at Wayne State University School of Medicine and Director of Cardiac Wellness, Michigan Healthcare Professionals PC. He is a graduate Summa Cum Laude of the University of Michigan School of Medicine. He lectures widely on the cardiac benefits of vegan nutrition, mind body practices and heart attack prevention. He writes blogs for MindBodyGreen, OneGreenPlanet, Aloha.com, Forksoverknives.com, and for Readers Digest Magazine as the Holistic Heart Doc. His latest book, The Plant-Based Solution will be released in January 2018.
Pleasurable Weight Loss with Jena la Flamme
How you feel about your body and how you relate with pleasure matters more than what you eat when it comes to successful, sustainable weight loss. With Pleasurable Weight Loss, Jena la Flamme brings you a comprehensive, life-changing approach that starts with your mind-helping you relax, build self-esteem, and develop a sense of joy and trust in your body.
Filled with inspiration, recipes, and practical guidance for women of all ages and body types, here is a powerful guide for transforming your relationship with food and exercise-a natural, enjoyable, and lasting path for looking and feeling your best.
Help Children Relax at Bedtime
Looking for more great reads?
Excerpted from Good Night Yoga. Written by Mariam Gates and illustrated by Sarah Jane Hinder.
Mariam Gates holds a master’s in education from Harvard University and has more than 20 years’ experience working with children. Her renowned Kid Power Yoga™ program combines her love of yoga with teaching to help children access their inner gifts. See kidpoweryoga.com.
Illustrator Sarah Jane Hinder creates acrylic artwork for a variety of children’s book, including Good Night Yoga, Good Morning Yoga, The Three Little Pigs, and The Elves and the Shoemaker. She lives in Manchester, England, with her husband and two chihuahuas. See sarahjanehinder.com.
We Dare You to Rest This Holiday Season
When to say “No” & “Yes”
One of the most exhausting stress loops for women starts with saying “yes” when we feel “no”. Becoming your most authentic self is the first step to learning what a “no” and a “yes” feel like in your body. We often tell women to say no more, but equally as troublesome is that we also don’t feel and then follow our yeses.
Here’s a quick way to practice sensing what “yes” and “no” feel like to you:
- Put your hand on your heart and gut.
- Place your attention at the space between your eyebrows (your third eye).
- Inhale from the space between your eyebrows to the base of your spine, while mentally saying “Sooooo.” Then exhale from the base of your spine to the space between your eyebrows while mentally saying the sound, “Hummmmm.” Repeat twice more.
- Be still as you rest your attention on your third eye for 20 to 30 seconds.
- Call up a question you want an answer to, and see if you feel a “yes” or “no.”
For women who have lots of decisions to make, like mothers, I often suggest making a list of all the things stressing them out, and then, on the same day every week, doing this practice, seeing if they get a “yes” or “no” for each item on the list. This is also a great practice to do weekly when you’re pregnant, because giving birth centered in your true self, knowing your “yes” and “no,” is the best gift you can give your baby.
Using this practice to help make decisions will help you stop overdoing. You begin with feeling, drop your ego, and then, from your true nature, make decisions that end the worn-out feeling. Beware of mistaking things you love to do as a “yes.” For example, many of the creative moms I work with love to cook, but when they use this practice to ask whether they want to stay up cooking cupcakes late at night for their children’s school when they have work the next day, the answer they get might well be “no.”
Sometimes you may be faced with a difficult “no”: your inner wisdom will tell you that saying “no” to something will liberate time, but saying “no” may not feel good right away or may disappoint someone. If this happens, I encourage you to say “no” anyway. If you want to feel well-rested, you need to make the choice that supports your wholeness.
Love Yourself First
Most of us have heard flight attendants on an airplane say, “Put your own oxygen mask on first, and then secure your loved one’s.” This is an important message that well-rested women get in every bone of their bodies: love yourself first. The first thing your loved ones need is a healthy you. Here are two ways to do that.
- Give Kindness
- When you’re spinning in mental loops and stressed out, it’s hard to be kind to yourself or others. But as I always say after yoga nidra, I feel like I drank a cup of kindness. To capitalize on and reinforce this feeling, repeat this loving-kindness meditation.
- Say to yourself:
- May I be happy.
- May I be safe.
- May I be free of physical pain and suffering.
- May I be able to recognize and touch harmony and joy in myself.
- May I nourish wholesome seeds in myself.
- May I be healthy, peaceful, and strong.
- Say to yourself:
- When you’re spinning in mental loops and stressed out, it’s hard to be kind to yourself or others. But as I always say after yoga nidra, I feel like I drank a cup of kindness. To capitalize on and reinforce this feeling, repeat this loving-kindness meditation.
Notice how you feel in your body. When you’re ready, you can move on to saying the words for others: May (name of a loved one) be happy. May (he/she) be safe.
- Go on Wonder Dates
- Schedule quiet time for yourself. My friend and colleague Jeffrey Davis, of Tracking Wonder, a creative branding company, loves to say, “Wonder is not kid’s stuff. It’s radical grown-up stuff.” That’s right, taking time for wonder is an essential multi-vitamin for adults, too. It helps clear your mind and relax the body.
- What’s wonder? It’s a time to be curious, to not know something. It’s the gratitude and amazement we feel when we see a shooting star or a beautiful full moon. Try finding a quiet space to read poetry, or sitting in a tree and then journaling about what you see and how it makes you feel. Many spots in nature call up wonder. Wonder sparks ideas, so the more time you spend in wonder, the juicer you will feel when you return to your everyday life.
- And if you think you don’t have time, think again. Jeffrey has two little girls, and as he says, he “sculpts time” for wonder by intentionally planning space to wonder into his calendar.
Looking for more great reads?
Excerpted from Daring to Rest, by Karen Brody.
Karen Brody is a speaker and the founder of Bold Tranquility, a company offering yoga nidra meditation for the modern women via downloadable products and workshops. Her work has been featured in Better Homes & Gardens, and she’s a regular contributor to The Huffington Post. She’s also a critically acclaimed playwright. Karen had a long personal history of severe panic attacks until she found yoga nidra meditation over a decade ago. At that time, she was a sleep-deprived mother of two small children on anti-anxiety medication. She signed up for a yoga nidra meditation class simply looking to lie down for a nap. What she got was “the best nap of her life.” As she continued to practice yoga nidra regularly, her deep fatigue lifted; she wrote a critically acclaimed play, got off anti-anxiety pills, and started to teach this yoga nidra “power nap” to every exhausted mother she knew.
