Connor Beaton: Men’s Work

    —
February 14, 2023

Connor Beaton: Men’s Work

Connor Beaton February 14, 2023

What does it look like to connect to our own masculinity, our own masculine core, in a healthy way? How as men do we welcome the parts of ourselves we dislike the most? Where can we find the validation and recognition we seek? These are the questions that Connor Beaton addresses in his new book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom

In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Connor about his life and work, discussing why the work of men begins with pain; the consequences of the belief that strength equals suppression; “fathering yourself” and carrying your pain more effectively; welcoming and healing a hurtful inner dialogue; breaking the erroneous rule that blocks real intimacy; transforming the spirit of competition into a positive force for mutual support; the conundrum of male vulnerability; the skill of opening up; leadership, self-respect, and how we conduct ourselves in hard times; emotional sovereignty; self-regulation and the practice of moving from rationalizing into sensation; infidelity and porn; building your own system of self-validation and recognition; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

Connor Beaton is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization dedicated to the personal and professional growth of men. He is an entrepreneur, writer, keynote speaker, and facilitator dedicated to building better men. Connor has spoken to large corporate brands, nonprofits, schools, and international organizations such as the United Nations, Microsoft, Johnson & Johnson, Apple, TED, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization. He lives in New York. For more, visit connorbeaton.com.

Author photo © Nick Onken

600 Podcasts and Counting…

Subscribe to Insights at the Edge to hear all of Tami’s interviews (transcripts available too!), featuring Eckhart Tolle, Caroline Myss, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Adyashanti, and many more.

Meet Your Host: Tami Simon

Founded Sounds True in 1985 as a multimedia publishing house with a mission to disseminate spiritual wisdom. She hosts a popular weekly podcast called Insights at the Edge, where she has interviewed many of today's leading teachers. Tami lives with her wife, Julie M. Kramer, and their two spoodles, Rasberry and Bula, in Boulder, Colorado.

Photo © Jason Elias

Also By Author

Connor Beaton: Men’s Work

What does it look like to connect to our own masculinity, our own masculine core, in a healthy way? How as men do we welcome the parts of ourselves we dislike the most? Where can we find the validation and recognition we seek? These are the questions that Connor Beaton addresses in his new book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom

In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Connor about his life and work, discussing why the work of men begins with pain; the consequences of the belief that strength equals suppression; “fathering yourself” and carrying your pain more effectively; welcoming and healing a hurtful inner dialogue; breaking the erroneous rule that blocks real intimacy; transforming the spirit of competition into a positive force for mutual support; the conundrum of male vulnerability; the skill of opening up; leadership, self-respect, and how we conduct ourselves in hard times; emotional sovereignty; self-regulation and the practice of moving from rationalizing into sensation; infidelity and porn; building your own system of self-validation and recognition; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

Pain as the Path

The wounds, scars, and pain we carry as men have a place in our lives. A function that can lead us directly to the core of deep meaning and fulfillment and provide a positive path forward. This is what initiation was supposed to teach us as men—how to descend into the depths of our own darkness and return a more complete and contributive participant in society.

However, this is where a man’s real problem resides: He has not been taught the skill or alchemy of initiation. He has not learned how to deal with his pain, or the pain of the world, and so he bucks against it.

I realized over the years of grappling with how to heal that not only was I ill-equipped to deal with the hurt I’d been given, but I also seemed to be woefully ill-equipped to reconcile with, and put a halt to, the perpetual hurt I passed on to others. Like many men, I was good at inflicting pain—and men who are good at something tend to do that thing a lot.

Not only was I undereducated in the alchemical craft of turning pain into purpose, but almost every man I knew was in relatively the same situation. Most men simply haven’t been taught how to deal with their pain and use it to become something better.

And this aspect of the journey is the missing link in male initiation, which has historically played the role of guiding a man through the transitory period between adolescence and adulthood, teaching him the skills of discipline, sovereignty, and the ability to face some of the most challenging aspects of his own life.

In fact, I began to see that not only have most men not been given the tools or resources to deal with the pain and suffering in their lives, but we as men are actively taught the opposite—the idiotic tactic of constant emotional avoidance. Not only this, but our emotional avoidance is seen as a theoretical and rational strength in certain circles.

Seeing this brings about a multitude of questions that both illuminate the foundational cracks within current masculine culture and also highlight the work we must embark on if we are to do our individual and collective parts as men in building a thriving society.

There’s more: I began to see the direct correlation between a man’s ability and willingness to face his own darkness and having a clear purpose, deep fulfillment, and clarity of contribution to the things that matter most to him.

But how can we as men give our pain a purpose in a culture where we are largely devoid of emotional permissions? Where the archetype of man, in order to be classified or quantified as a man, must do the impossible task of being brave and courageous without being vulnerable?

This is one of the biggest masculine myths—the false idea that you can be courageous without being inherently vulnerable. When we are rewarded for giving our lives, our hearts, and our emotional bodies up for sacrifice to maintain the illusion of invulnerable strength, we prioritize victory over connection. We praise ourselves for performance in the boardroom, bedroom, and bars, but we lack recognition for our performance in reconciliation, repair, and reparation.

There’s another way. A way where victory is found within the work, and part of that work is facing our own darkness.

Excerpted from Men’s Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom by Connor Beaton.

CONNOR BEATON is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization dedicated to the personal growth of men. He is a facilitator dedicated to building better men, an entrepreneur, a writer, and a keynote speaker. Connor has spoken to large corporate brands, nonprofits, schools, and international organizations such as the United Nations, Microsoft, Johnson & Johnson, Apple, TED, and Entrepreneurs' Organization. For more, visit mantalks.com.

You Might Also Enjoy

Nanci Danison: Messages from Deep Afterlife Experience

Spiritual teacher and former attorney Nanci Danison has a truly amazing story. When she was 43 years old and a highly successful lawyer in health care, she had the first of a remarkable series of beyond-death experiences that completely altered her understanding of herself and her relationship with the divine. In her popular Backwards book series, Nanci writes about the empowering insights and lessons she learned through these fascinating events. In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with the intriguing author and “messenger” about the wisdom she has been called to share at this time on Earth.

Settle in for a mind-blowing conversation on past-life memories and the nature of perception in realms beyond the physical, the phenomenon of the afterlife life review, a new perspective on what we call “Source,” unconditional love and unconditional acceptance, our dual nature as physical and non-physical beings, the Third Epoch of our planet and the evolution of humanity, the findings of NDE (near-death experience) research, our eternal friends in the non-physical dimension, the choices and commitments our souls make prior to human incarnation, and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

Rupert Spira: The Quiet Joy of Being

What is the treasure that we all seek? What is it that we are looking for above all else? Contemporary spiritual teacher and author Rupert Spira believes that it’s the feeling of sufficiency, of ease, of peace—or the realization of our innermost nature as being. In this podcast that is at once expansive and experiential, Tami Simon speaks with Rupert about his book You Are the Happiness You Seek and the insights he has gleaned through a lifetime of spiritual exploration and practice. 

Tune in for a liberating conversation covering the practice of pausing or “going back to being”; letting go of resistance and turning toward our unhappiness; bringing a complete “yes” to your current experience; the inquiry, who is the one that’s experiencing?; the pure “I Am”; the original ADD: Awareness Deficit Disorder; the problem with the word “enlightenment”; recognizing the gaps between our thoughts and feelings; why what happens to the body doesn’t happen to our being; the absolute level and the relative level; the practical implications of deepening our recognition of being; love: the felt sense of our shared being; freedom from “the tyranny of ego”; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

David Whyte: Everything Is an Invitation

A good poem, says David Whyte, is revelatory; it takes hold of us and surprises us with new understanding. David Whyte is the bestselling author of ten books of poetry, three works of prose, and the celebrated Sounds True audio program What to Remember When Waking

In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with David about his writing career, his creative approach to leadership, and the conversation with life to which we are all constantly invited. Tami and David discuss the willingness to have courageous conversations; the generativity of “a well-felt sadness”; reframing regret; the seven steps of invitational leadership; “robust vulnerability” and choosing the path we really care about; anguish, anxiety, and being OK with the unknown; letting go; “apprenticing ourselves to our own disappearance”; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

>
Share via
Copy link
Powered by Social Snap