Terry Real: Fierce Intimacy

Terry Real —

September 6, 2016

Terry Real: Fierce Intimacy

Terry Real — September 6, 2016

View Transcript

Terry Real is a family therapist, author, and founder of the Relational Life Institute, which hosts workshops on family and relationships throughout the country. He has written several books, including The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work. Terry will be a featured presenter during Sounds True’s upcoming online training summit Psychotherapy 2.0, which will take place September 7–13. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and Terry talk about the inherent challenges of being in relationship and the many approaches to addressing those challenges in couples therapy. Terry discusses how men and women relate to one another in different ways, as well as the steps necessary when couples are badly out of sync. Finally, Terry and Tami speak on the Relational Life approach to therapy and the skills we need to develop in order to take our interpersonal relationships up to “full throttle.”
(67 minutes)

TERRY REAL is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than 25 years, Terry is the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women, and The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work.

A senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired clinical fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. Through his books, the Institute, and workshops around the country, Terry helps women and men, parents and non-parents to help create the connection they desire in their relationships. His ideas on men’s issues and on couple’s therapy have been celebrated in many venues, including Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, Oprah, and the New York Times. For more, visit terryreal.com.

Author photo © Hans Robertson

Posted September 6, 2016

600 Podcasts and Counting…

Subscribe to Insights at the Edge to hear all of Tami’s interviews (transcripts available too!), featuring Eckhart Tolle, Caroline Myss, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Adyashanti, and many more.

Meet Your Host: Tami Simon

Founded Sounds True in 1985 as a multimedia publishing house with a mission to disseminate spiritual wisdom. She hosts a popular weekly podcast called Insights at the Edge, where she has interviewed many of today's leading teachers. Tami lives with her wife, Julie M. Kramer, and their two spoodles, Rasberry and Bula, in Boulder, Colorado.

Photo © Jason Elias

Products By Author

Fierce Intimacy

Audio Bundle

Starting at: $44.07

Also By Author

See All

podcast

Post Views: 15,974

Soft Power: Moving from You and Me to Us

Terry Real — August 16, 2022

In this podcast, Sounds True founder Tami Simon speaks with “the relationship turnaround guy” and bestselling author Terry Real about: the origins of his two-day relationship intervention; the groundbreaking—and rule-breaking—approach of Relational Life Therapy; dealing with shame and grandiosity, and the contempt underlying both; the skill of “joining through the truth”; what healthy self-esteem looks like; why “there’s nothing that harshness does that loving firmness doesn’t do better”; speaking to and from the mature, wise adult instead of the adaptive, wounded child; relational mindfulness; recognizing your tendency toward “fight, flight, freeze, or fix”; our toxic culture of individualism and the shift to “soft power”; why an invitation works a lot better than a complaint; the essential rhythm of relationships: harmony, rupture, and repair; honoring the ecological system of your relationship while having your individual needs met; and more.

podcast

Post Views: 31,896

Fierce Intimacy

Terry Real — June 15, 2021

Terry Real is a family therapist, author, and founder of the Relational Life Institute, which hosts workshops on family and relationships throughout the country. He has written several books, including The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work. With Sounds True, he is the creator of Fierce Intimacy, an audio training in essential communication skills for couples. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon talks to Terry about the inherent challenges of being in relationship and the many approaches to addressing those challenges in couples therapy. Terry discusses how men and women relate to one another in different ways, as well as the steps necessary when couples are badly out of sync. Finally, Terry and Tami speak on the Relational Life approach to therapy and the skills we need to develop in order to take our interpersonal relationships up to “full throttle.”

podcast

Post Views: 4,982

Terry Real: Standing Up to One Another with Love

Terry Real — August 29, 2018

Terry Real is a family therapist, public speaker, and the founder of the Relational Life Institute. Terry’s written works include I Don’t Want to Talk About It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage. With Sounds True, he has created the audio program Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with Love. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Terry about his somewhat unusual, do-or-divorce approach to couples therapy. They talk about deal breakers in relationships and why they don’t necessarily need to end a partnership. Terry explains what it means to hold a “core negative image” of a partner, why this is all too common, and why recognition of that core image can actually strengthen a relationship. Finally, Terry and Tami discuss what “fierce intimacy” truly entails and why canny relationship skills are the very same qualities that will help the human race rise to meet the challenges of the future. (64 minutes)

You Might Also Enjoy

podcast

Post Views: 6,809

Martha Beck, PhD: Beyond Anxiety

Martha Beck — April 8, 2025

Just hearing the word “anxiety” can be enough to make you feel it. If you’re someone who’s struggled with chronic anxiety, panic attacks, or simply feeling safe in a world that seems far from it, this is a podcast for YOU. Here, Tami Simon speaks with renowned life coach and bestselling author Dr. Martha Beck about her new book, Beyond Anxiety. Enjoy this empowering conversation filled with science-backed techniques and spiritual insights to take a creative, whole-brain approach to freeing yourself from anxiety.

Tami and Martha discuss why anxiety can’t just be ended—it must be replaced; the neurology of creativity; the left brain anxiety spiral and the negativity bias; the link between the right brain and our sense of purpose and meaning; the metaphor of the puppies and the cobra; the futility of trying to control the environment; the amygdala and the metaphor of the hall of mirrors; lovingkindness meditation; the power of a calm human voice and how to be an “anxiety whisperer” for yourself; self-care (including sleep!); HSPs (or highly sensitive people); the money excuse; the story of Griffin the therapy dog: a lesson on questioning our fears; the shift from fear to joy; the eureka effect and how the right brain “loves an impasse”; appreciation of the present moment; the mnemonic device, “KAT”: kindness, art, and transcendence; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

podcast

Post Views: 7,137

James Hollis: “Find What You Love and Let It Kill Yo...

James Hollis — March 18, 2025

By what lights do you live your journey? What fires your imagination? What stirs your curiosity? What asks of you something that is so deep within you that perhaps it hurts, but you can’t let go of it because it won’t let go of you? These are some of the “large questions” explored by Tami Simon and her guest, Jungian teacher and author James Hollis. Hollis is one of those authors who’s beloved by everyone who works at Sounds True—especially those of us who’ve entered the second half of life—and in this podcast, you’ll discover why.

Listen now as Tami and Jim discuss his new book, Living with Borrowed Dust, sharing thought-provoking insights about: the evanescence of our human journey; making your life luminous; asking large questions, and how we lose contact with the inquiries that serve our individuation; fate versus destiny; the independence of the psyche; the ego’s need for control; dreams as “health correctives” and an avenue to the numinous; showing up for your “appointment” in life; trusting the wisdom of nature; how psychoanalysis helps us rewrite the self-limiting narratives that hold us back; the worst damage of trauma: identifying who we are with what happened to us; why we can’t solve certain problems, but we can outgrow them; courage and perseverance; paying close attention to your inner life; living in a culture of distraction; dialoguing with your soul; the paradox of passion; facing the abyss; taking advantage of the precious moments; learning to live with ambiguity; and more.

podcast

Post Views: 6,652

Francis Weller: Our Apprenticeship with Sorrow

Francis Weller — February 25, 2025

Right now, we may be surrounded by grief, anxiety, fear, and uncertainty. But we don’t have to drown in our sorrows or deny the painful realities of these trying times. In this podcast, join Tami Simon in dialogue with psychotherapist, bestselling author, and “soul activist” Francis Weller to explore a new and empowering approach to grief—one that is essential for both our personal well-being and our capacity to be of service to others.

Listen now to a much-needed conversation about the attitudes and skills involved in “an apprenticeship with grief,” including: how grief softens and opens the heart; metabolizing grief, and the choice to engage instead of endure; how to “offer a bottom” to your grief to mitigate feelings of anxiety or panic; the energy of melancholy; relinquishing our culture’s heroic ideal; containment and release—the two requirements of grief; navigating “the long dark” of our times; getting into “village mind” and embracing a communal approach to grief; breaking the pattern of denial; how grief work brings you more fully into the present moment; waking up from “the amnesia and the anesthesia”; being an adult in your relationship to grief; simple rituals you can explore to engage grief with deeper intention and meaning; attuning to the rhythm of “the archaic psyche”; our soul responsibility—to register the losses of the world; ancestral grief; patience; the elements of soulful living; the invocation of courage and faith; and more.