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Personal, Interpersonal, Transpersonal

I was recently sitting in the audience of a talk by a spiritual teacher who was pointing out, again and again, the timeless nature of being. Although I could feel the depth and profundity of the eternal moment, at a certain point, I noticed myself feeling contracted and frustrated. I thought to myself, “What about focusing on interpersonal relationships and helping us develop skills for being intimate with other people and communicating well at work, that type of thing? I am sick of timeless being!”

And then I remembered that some people are what could be called “subject matter experts” and everyone can’t be good at everything. And that the way I could benefit the most from this talk was to relax into timelessness and learn from this teacher what he is gifted at transmitting and communicating. Fortunately, that approach worked, and my critical mind relaxed.

However, I also started reflecting on something I read in a book by Robert Augustus Masters. Robert is a new author with Sounds True and has written a new book on Emotional Intimacy, and created a new audio series called Knowing Your Shadow. Robert talks about the “personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal” dimensions of experience. And when I read his description of these three different aspects or dimensions, I just loved it! I notice that whenever people just talk about the “transpersonal”, about what is formless, I begin to long for the personal and interpersonal. And when people just talk about the “personal”, about their challenges and woes, I begin to long for a bigger view that doesn’t place any limits anywhere. Maybe I am just a chronic complainer?

But actually, I think it is more than that. My sense is that the personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal are always all three happening simultaneously. And if we leave any dimension out (in a chronic type of way), we are missing something. And when we include all three —  how we are feeling individually, how we are experiencing inter-relating with others, and what it is like to transcend any sense of self and other and experience pure being – then we are experiencing a type of wholeness that leaves nothing out.

So I guess we could say I am happy in wholeness and cranky when transcendence is favored instead of recognized as one dimension of multi-dimensional being. And I feel cranky because I have seen people walk out of these transcendence-focused talks without any clue about how to work with difficult emotional states when they arise (and as we all know, they arise). Teachings that are wholly focused on the transpersonal dimension can be a breeding ground for what Robert Augustus Masters calls “spiritual bypassing” – using our spirituality to avoid facing aspects of our experience, particularly difficult emotional experiences. Robert’s focus is on “emotional literacy”, that we can learn to be fluent with all of our emotions, appreciating their nuances and what is being called forth in us in any given situation. To learn more about Robert’s work, you can check out this two-part podcast I did with him recently on Emotional Intimacy, here and here. Listening to Robert, I felt the opposite of “cranky”; I felt whole.

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The courage to be vulnerable – with Brené Brown

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston’s graduate college of social work, has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Brené is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Daring Greatly, and with Sounds True she has created the audio learning course The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings on Authenticity, Courage, and Connection. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami speaks with Brené about the cultural myth that equates vulnerability as weakness instead of recognizing it as the greatest measure of our courage. They also examine Brené’s research about the qualities that allow a person to live in a wholehearted way.

We hope you enjoy this audio session with Brené Brown! You can stream or download the recording at no cost here – or download the transcript if you’d like to read the discussion.

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Putting Your Relationship First: Lessons from Your Bra...

How do we make our closest relationships our top priority in life? What does the latest neuroscience tell us about how our minds affect the way we respond to challenges in relating to others? How can we improve our brains to improve our relationships? In part one of this dialogue between Tami Simon and psychotherapist and author Dr. Stan Tatkin, we explore these questions and more to help us shift out of conflict and into deeper connection. (61 minutes)

Love the Ones You’re With

Despite the fact that I’ve worked at Sounds True for more than five years now, I am continually awed by the depth of connection and adoration that my fellow employees and I have for one another. I’m not talking about the standard workplace relationships that we’ve all experienced at one time or another—these aren’t your average water cooler discussions, folks. I’m talking about a genuine (and, in my experience, unparalleled) level of care, compassion, and investment that we continually take in one another’s wellbeing and in paying attention to our feelings.

If I’m honest, after working for other organizations—particularly in corporate America—this modus operandi can take some getting used to. I distinctly recall my first team meeting here at Sounds True, which started with a check-in. Check-ins are an opportunity for each person in the meeting to take a moment to express how they’re doing. I incorrectly assumed that each check-in would be project or deadline related—instead people were talking about the challenges of raising a teenager, caring for a sick parent, their impending divorce, or simply feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Imagine my surprise!

You may be asking what these kinds of check-ins have to do with work…the answer is absolutely everything. This simple act of sharing not only encourages us to really show up and to authentically express ourselves, it goes a long way in helping us understand why someone may take a bit longer to respond one day, why they may react a certain way, or why their level of engagement may vary—and, instead of feeling offended or taking that behavior personally, we’re able to respond with compassion and empathy. While it may seem the contrary, this honest expression actually makes space for the human experience and ultimately leads to a more productive and cohesive work environment.

As Fred Kofman, Sounds True’s author of Conscious Business: How to Build Value Through Values says, “Culture is as essential a part of the organization’s infrastructure as its technology; perhaps it is even more essential.” I have no doubt that one of the most essential aspects of Trueski culture is our ability to feel and to truly empathize with one another. We mourn the passing of parents and children and beloved canine/feline companions. We console through heartache and divorce. We unabashedly ooh and aah in celebration of babies. We cheer for marriages and anniversaries and love. We make mistakes and ask for forgiveness. We express appreciation and admiration. We express frustration and exasperation. We dance at company parties. We drink scotch in honor of triumphs and defeats. We show up and love the ones we’re with…and, boy, are we lucky to be with them.

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Happy 78th birthday to His Holiness the Dalai Lama!

Wishing His Holiness the Dalai Lama a joyful 78th birthday today, and praying for his long life! I’ll never forget the one and only time I met the Dalai Lama, at his residence in Dharamsala many years ago. I was quite young, coming off a difficult break-up, and broken wide open alone in the mountains of northern India, just sort of wandering from place to place. He held my hand and just looked at me. He wasn’t scrambling to try to make my heartbreak go away, he wasn’t playing the wise guru offering me some subtle teaching on the empty-luminous ground of awareness, he wasn’t hurling blessings at me so that all would be made right and I could enter into some other state of consciousness. He simply spent a moment with me, all the way through, totally human, fully there with everything in the space between us. It was a short moment of time, but in another way it was totally eternal; those sorts of rare meetings, heart to heart, are rare and precious, and not easily forgotten. In my experience, the Dalai Lama is a holding environment of love, in and of himself; a totally real, humble, open-hearted, incredibly warm, authentic human being. May you live long, your Holiness!

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Inside the broken-open heart

Inside the broken-open heart it is unbearably alive
The world cries out for you to mend the brokenness
Yet there is another longing to stay broken, to befriend the sadness, to hold the loneliness
There are colors in the sky that could never be seen
There is a scent in the jasmine that could never be known
There are sensations in the breeze that could never be felt… until this moment
It is only within the broken-open heart that the unseen can reveal itself

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