Christina Rasmussen

Christina Rasmussen is an acclaimed grief educator and the author of Second Firsts and Where Did You Go? She is the founder of the Life Reentry Institute and has helped countless people break out of what she coined the “waiting room” of grief to rebuild their lives through her Life Reentry® Model, a new paradigm of grief, based on the science of neuroplasticity. She lives in Austin, Texas. For more, visit christinarasmussen.com.

Author photo © Marc Olivier Le Blanc

Also By Author

Christina Rasmussen: Life Reentry: Exiting the Waiting...

There are certain experiences that are completely and utterly devastating, yet seemingly impossible to articulate and share. Grief educator and author Christina Rasmussen calls these our “invisible losses”—and they are often more perplexing and difficult to navigate than the overt tragedies we all endure in life. In this podcast, join Sounds True’s founder, Tami Simon, in conversation with Christina Rasmussen about her new book, Invisible Loss: Recognizing and Healing the Unacknowledged Heartbreak of Everyday Grief

Filled with unique perspective and compassionate insight, this dialogue explores the place of uncertainty and stagnation known as “the waiting room”; the original self, and how we get disconnected from it; the impacts of an “us vs. them” experience; how to identify your primary invisible loss; three inner narrators—the survivor, the watcher, and the thriver; reclaiming our forgotten “thriver memories”; the cost of seeking approval; saying yes to what you’ve always wanted to do; cleansing our patterns of fear; the practice of mental stacking; the Life Reentry model; reframing our experiences and taking action from our wisdom; why the place of death is also the place of creation; and more.

How to Mental Stack Your Way to a New Chapter in Life

Most people feel trapped in a thousand ways. But more often than not, this sense of entrapment us into putting our heads down and getting the things we are expected to get done, done. We can’t often see the entrapment, especially if it looks like the result of our own choices in life. But were they truly our own choices? What if some of the choices we made in life have never really been ours to begin with? 

I want to take us back a little. Back to when we were younger. When we had to rely on the wisdom of our elders, and those who have been in this life much longer than us. In my upcoming book Invisible Loss, I write about that time in our lives when we were at our most rebellious:

Disobedience—as a child, as a teen, as an adult in the world of work and home—is an act that creates invisible suffering. We learn to survive that repeated pattern of being commanded by our elders to be “good.” In order to be good and obey, we may create a life closer to that command but further away from our Original Self. We may work hard trying to be good, trying to please and fit into the mold created for us, but that only helps to build our Waiting Room life.

But time in the Waiting Room doesn’t need to last forever. And you don’t have to die inside it. There are parts within you that can bring forth a life worthy of your human existence. Places within yourself that have no shame.

As long as we have been alive, creating a life that aligns closest to the wishes of our caregivers and protectors blinds us to the life that we could choose for ourselves. That life is completely hidden even if we think we know our wishes. Often, only when we go through tragic or invisible losses, do we start to question those choices. Dare I say, these moments are opportunities to exit the loop of being “good.”

It is time to interrupt our regular transmission. It is time to be clear when it comes to what it is we are trying to communicate to the people in our lives. It starts from no longer trying so hard to fit into the mold that was created for us.  No matter how old we are, we can always break outside this mold and align our choices with our true values and desires.

This is not an easy task. I understand that. At the core of my book, Invisible Loss, I’ve created tjos easy practice to help set you on the right path to your Original Self. I call it Mental Stacking:

What Is Mental Stacking?

Mental Stacking is the ability to intentionally layer your thoughts to replace unconscious, Survivor-based

thinking with Wisdom-based thinking. In doing so, these Wisdom-based thoughts can more easily be converted into real-life action. This Stacking practice allows you to access your true and authentic self (your Original Self) and entrust it with the controls of your life. Here is what a basic Stack looks like:

  • The Cleanse: Transcribing the automatic, routine-based, unconscious thoughts. Write them down. Don’t stop writing until you feel you are done. 
  • The Pattern: Subtracting from that first layer the thoughts of fear and doubt. Once you write everything you are feeling and thinking down, read it back to yourself and find a sentence or two that comes from a place of fear or doubt. For example, somewhere in your long cleanse you may find yourself saying: “I feel trapped in my marriage and I don’t dare tell anyone about it because he is the nicest guy. All of my friends always tell me how lucky I am to be married to someone who takes such good care of me.”
  • The Reframe: Writing the consciously reframed thought layer in the Stack. Take that sentence and reframe it. For example: “I feel trapped in my marriage and feel ashamed for feeling this way because my partner is such a good guy,” to, “even though I may feel shame about how I feel, I need to share these feelings with my partner even though it may not be expected or understood. This is my life, after all.” 
  • The Plug-In: Translating the reframed thought into action. Once you have that reframed thought, think of a low-risk action you can take that can stem from that newly scripted thought. For example, you can suggest to your partner to go for dinner at a brand new place where you can bring up what is on your mind in a new environment. You can act on your right to express yourself regardless of what the response might be or how others view your situation. 

Your Mental Stack leads you to a specific next step that may not always be easy to see without the power of each previous layer in the Stack. 

Here’s to a great new chapter ahead,

Christina Ramussen

Invisible Loss


Invisible Loss
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Bookshop | Sounds True

Christina Rasmussen is an acclaimed grief educator and the author of Second Firsts and Where Did You Go? She is the founder of the Life Reentry Institute and has helped countless people break out of what she coined the “waiting room” of grief to rebuild their lives through her Life Reentry® Model, a new paradigm of grief, based on the science of neuroplasticity. She lives in Austin, Texas. For more, visit christinarasmussen.com.

Author photo © Marc Olivier Le Blanc

You Might Also Enjoy

Zach Leary: Psychedelics in the 21st Century and How t...

He’s the son of Timothy Leary and one of today’s leading voices in the psychedelic renaissance of the 21st century. But Zach Leary’s journey hardly unfolded in the way you might expect. In this deeply informative and myth-busting podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Zach about his new book with Sounds True, Your Extraordinary Mind. 

With a “friend to friend” approach to discussing the amazing potential for the safe use of psychedelics, Tami and Zach converse about: carrying forward the legacy of the front-runners of psychedelic exploration, including icons like Terence McKenna, Humphry Osmond, Dr. John C. Lilly, and of course, Zach’s father Timothy and Richard Alpert (Ram Dass); acknowledging the mistakes of the past and dispelling the myths and misconceptions about psychedelics; bringing legitimacy to the use of psychedelics for healing and insight; a review of the major compounds and their sources (natural and manmade), such as MDMA, psilocybin mushrooms, ayahuasca, LSD, and ketamine; the importance of the 3 S’s: set, setting, and sustainability; turning insights into action; challenging experiences (instead of “bad trips”); Carl Jung and shadow work; using psychedelics to overcome our fear of death; Zach’s personal battle with addiction and how psychedelics supported his recovery; the nature of consciousness; psychedelics as humanity’s evolutionary partner; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

Stephen Porges and Karen Onderko: All Healing Begins w...

In every social interaction, we convey signals of trust and accessibility to those around us. In other words, whatever’s happening within your nervous system is seen and felt by others. Dr. Stephen Porges’s groundbreaking Polyvagal Theory has led to a revolution in mental health, showing us that when you bring conscious awareness to your own inner state, you can choose to self-regulate (and ultimately to co-regulate), stop the cycle of fight-flight-freeze, and become a source of empathic connection and mutual safety for yourself and the people in your life. 

Join Tami Simon in conversation with Dr. Porges and Karen Onderko, coauthors of the new book Safe and Sound to learn about: the origins of Polyvagal Theory; the minimization of bodily feelings and emotions in mental health care; the evolutionary hierarchy of our brainstem’s survival mechanisms; the concept of co-regulation; the neurobiology of trust; neuroception and the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP); why the intonation qualities of vocalization are more powerful than the words we say; the amazing vagus nerve; applying the SSP for trauma healing; self-compassion and honoring the body’s wisdom; the transformative potential of a felt moment of safety; how to remain open and accessible without becoming overwhelmed by vulnerability; breathwork, qigong, and other neural exercises that facilitate the social engagement system; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

Martha Beck, PhD: Beyond Anxiety

Just hearing the word “anxiety” can be enough to make you feel it. If you’re someone who’s struggled with chronic anxiety, panic attacks, or simply feeling safe in a world that seems far from it, this is a podcast for YOU. Here, Tami Simon speaks with renowned life coach and bestselling author Dr. Martha Beck about her new book, Beyond Anxiety. Enjoy this empowering conversation filled with science-backed techniques and spiritual insights to take a creative, whole-brain approach to freeing yourself from anxiety. 

Tami and Martha discuss why anxiety can’t just be ended—it must be replaced; the neurology of creativity; the left brain anxiety spiral and the negativity bias; the link between the right brain and our sense of purpose and meaning; the metaphor of the puppies and the cobra; the futility of trying to control the environment; the amygdala and the metaphor of the hall of mirrors; lovingkindness meditation; the power of a calm human voice and how to be an “anxiety whisperer” for yourself; self-care (including sleep!); HSPs (or highly sensitive people); the money excuse; the story of Griffin the therapy dog: a lesson on questioning our fears; the shift from fear to joy; the eureka effect and how the right brain “loves an impasse”; appreciation of the present moment; the mnemonic device, “KAT”: kindness, art, and transcendence; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

>