Of course, like most people with even a rudimentary exposure to spiritual teachings, I have heard that the only moment is the present moment. I thought I understood this. But I have to tell myself the truth: I might understand this theoretically and even deeply in certain moments of heightened aliveness, but all of me doesn’t live this way. I know this because I have just uprooted a portion of my being that has been orienting toward a future “Promised Land”, a promised land that turns out is totally fictitious (I even have a new motto, “There is no promised land”).
Here’s how I discovered this: We have a new leadership team at ST and some part of me has believed that this new team was like “heavenly super stars” or a basketball team destined to win the championship and set all types of new world records in the process. And the fact is we do have a powerful new team that will bring the company forward in all kinds of new ways. But this new team is made up of HUMANS not heaven-dwellers. And there is no end to difficult business challenges and the complexities of human dynamics.
There are people in my mediation community who often take an attitude “don’t you know nothing ever really works out?” And I have had a response inside that goes something like, “that is such a negative attitude….maybe it doesn’t work out for you because you are so negative in the first place.” But I think I understand now what is being pointed to in a statement like “nothing ever really works out” — not that wonderful things don’t happen but that our fantasies of some perfect future are just that – fantasies.
I was sharing all of this with my partner Julie before we were going to sleep the other night, sitting up in bed together on our new bright turquoise silk sheets. And I said “There is no promised land”. And she said to me “The promised land is right here.” And at that moment, our eyes met and the space of the room opened up, and it felt like we were melting into eternity. The edges of Julie’s body started dissolving into the space of the room and she looked like a deity to me, sitting on a bed of turquoise silk with pink and gold curtains behind her. And I knew she was right about the promised land, that if it exists at all, it is only because it is right here, relaxing into the beauty, brightness and space of the moment.
So now I am asking myself these types of questions: When I build up some vision of a promised land, why am I doing this? What ego need am I trying to have met by this or that fantasy? What is it about the present moment that I just can’t bear such that I need to create a vision of some idealized future? Why do I continue to invest in “there” when there is no “there” there?
I remember listening to Thich Nhat Hanh teach walking meditation. He offered the teaching that with each footstep touching the ground we could say silently to ourselves “I have arrived.” He pointed out how most people are always rushing ahead to some future moment, and he said, let’s look at this logically, the future moment you are rushing to will eventually be your grave. What’s the big hurry?
And what amazes me about the dharma is how endlessly deep it is (I heard Thich Nhat Hanh teach on this almost two decades ago and I thought “arriving in the present moment” was something I understood). I feel humbled (from the root word “humus” or earth) to have a fantasy bubble popped in such an obvious way, and to be returned to the earth, arriving right here in the groundless space of this moment, in the only promised land there is.
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Thank you for your mindful comments, and the wonderful story of the two of you sitting on the bed and coming to see in a very powerful way that ‘yes there is a promised land’ and it’s in the present moment – always.
Tami– I was so heartened to read this because I, too, have and have had the same experiences with understanding these very issues. But I say to you (and myself!) be patient with yourself! You are still young and you are running an incredible business that is reaching so many of us with such amazing awareness. I have been a fan of Sounds True since the late 90’s when I discovered it and got the catalogue and sent in for CD’s and now I am on line with you almost daily. I listen to all sorts of things you offer and have downloaded many teachings that have been a life saver for me during this most difficult season of my life. I am grateful and thankful for you and your company and what you have provided for so many of us hungry, thirsty seekers! I consider myself a student of Pema Chodron even though she does not know me–I heard a talk recently about teacher-student transmission being valid through this outlet of listening and transmission through the airwaves, as it were, as being just as real as if I were sitting in the classroom with the teacher. Of course I would love to be able to do that, but my given circumstances will not allow this right now, so I am deeply grateful that I can be a student from afar. Sounds True has made this possible. I wish I could attend the Wake Up Festival as well, but I am not financially fixed to do this. I still want to thank you for all you’ve done. And I want to remind you that yes, we all know life is precious and none of us knows how long we will be here, but you are still young! I did not really understand or appreciate how to slow down and deal with life moment to moment until my 60’s (I am 64 now) and I was forced into “retirement” by our economy. Now jobless and receiving support from family and food stamps and early social security retirement, I have been forced to learn to live the precepts I for 30 years claimed I believed in! Life IS moment to moment, things do NOT work out(!) and there is no future–there is only now! Trying to share this with my 3 grown children has proven to be a painful reminder that we all have to come to this on our own in our own time! I wish I had a partner, as you do, to share this with, but I am alone and have been since 1996. I accept that perhaps my path is a lone one, at least for now, but I am your friend and sister in the “gap”, in the spaces between the thoughts and I thank you and encourage you for all you do!
It’s hard not to project and want things (like to swim with the whales) but all we have is right now, like writing this and looking out the window. Thanks for your insight and for sharing. Well said. Paradise is in this moment. For me, being human makes me want things…and that’s okay…I guess it’s expansion…but…WHY ARE WE RUSHING FROM MOMENT TO MOMENT? I feel that rushing thing sometimes…and I appreciate you bringing it to our attention. I don’t like that feeling. Thanks for the great reminder.
You have been a most appreciated companion on the journey for many years, Tami. It’s about time I express my gratitude! Your candid sharing of the “no there” process was refreshing. PS. Great photo! That smile makes up for all the serious looks during the AMAZING, priceless Self Acceptance Project interviews. I continue to watch them multiple times—-like taking a long time to savor a luscious ice cream cone…
Thank you Tami for that story which is timely for me….I’m grateful for what you put out into the world, thank you!
Wonderful you share about this. My promised land had for most of my life been: Soon, which meant ‘not now’. seen in the traditional linear timeline space, where it would take striving and discomfort to try to reach across this ‘Soon’. And I never succeeded, how could I?
Now… 🙂 … when I feel present, it’s like being here, in this rocksolid unmovable NOW, and observing, sensing all that is passing by, flowing past me, and not bothering if the flow is linear or morphing or whatever… something is there an I sense it as it happens. Gone is the desire, the urgency once and for all to ‘come home’. I AM here, seeing is here, sensing is here, loving is here… ALL is here NOW… like it is now, as I write this <3
Namaste
Love, love, love it! Thank you, so very much!
I am just beginning my journey and it seems so obvious that there is only one moment, which is the present moment. But I’m only now realizing the truth of that statement. It is really hard to stay in the present moment as things always look better when looking at the future. In the future we can right our wrongs and change the things we don’t like about ourselves or our lives. But if we keep waiting to do these things in the future, they will never get done. So really living in the present moment can really change lives in many ways–not just our own, but all mankind. As hard as I know it will be to live in the present moment, I know it will benefit me and my fellow man immensely. It is certainly something worth striving for!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
Namaste