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4 Tips to Make Your Holiday Parties Better for Non-Dri...

It’s okay not to drink. In fact, it’s normal, a fact that many people tend to forget, especially around the holidays.

My husband, Pat, quit drinking thirty-three years ago, and he is not at all shy about telling people he’s in long-term recovery. Yet even close friends and relatives who know his story still try to foist alcohol on him.

At holiday parties, people insist him to try “at least a sip” because they brought the alcohol as a gift, or express incredulity at Pat’s description of himself as an alcoholic. “I never saw you drunk or out of control,” one woman once said, “so how could you be an alcoholic?”

Even at a New Year’s Eve party, another friend offered Pat a glass of champagne. When he replied, simply, “No, thanks,” this friend took the opportunity to extol the virtues of moderation.

Moderation may work for some but it does not work for Pat and an estimated 23 million people in this country who are in recovery from alcohol or other drug addiction — including our son Ben, who recently celebrated his tenth year of recovery. Alcohol works its poison slowly, but poison it is, in large and small amounts for those who are susceptible to its addictive effects – and for untold others who get caught up in the party spirit and overly imbibe.

During this holiday season when alcohol flows so freely at intimate family gatherings, holiday parties, and New Year’s Eve celebrations, here’s a short list of suggestions for hosts that will make life easier for non-drinkers and drinkers alike:

 

  1. Respect “no” as an answer

When someone says, “No thank you” to an offer of beer, wine, or spirits, don’t push, nudge, cajole, or question.  Take no for an answer, point to the table containing the different beverages (be sure the non-alcoholic selections get equal space) and say, “We have a variety of non-alcoholic and alcoholic drinks, what can I get one for you?”

  1. Get creative with these non-alcoholic beverage ideas
  • Cranberry or pomegranate juice with sparkling water (Perrier or sugar- and calorie-free waters such as Refreshe or La Croix )
  • Fruit or vegetable-infused water (watermelon, strawberries, cucumbers, mint, lemons, limes, the list goes on and on) are super hydrating and pretty to look at, too.
  • It’s always a good idea to offer several different sodas (ginger ale, colas, root beer, 7-up, sugar free-sodas) or flavored sparkling waters.
  • Forget punches or pitchers of beverages (eggnog for example) that are laced with alcohol; they’re too easy to mistake as non-alcoholic.
  • Garnishes such as lemons, limes, and mint are fun additions to non-alcoholic as well as alcoholic beverages. Put them in little bowls on the beverage tables.
  1. Keep nutritious snacks stocked to curb cravings

Nutritious, high protein snacks help control blood sugar, which can drop around party time (typically late afternoon) and trigger cravings. You don’t have to get fancy–try crackers and cheese; nuts or seeds (cashews, walnuts, almonds, peanuts, sunflower or pumpkin seeds); bruschetta with tomato and basil; or antipasto plates.

  1. Set out a board game or puzzle on a coffee or dining room table

We always have a jigsaw puzzle going and people love to gather around and concentrate on something other than drinking and small talk (of course, drinkers are also welcome).

 

Remember: It’s okay not to drink. In fact, it’s “normal.” And for many millions of people, not drinking is in fact life-saving. I encourage you to try some of these tips this holiday season and throughout the year at any and every social gathering.

 

Looking for more great reads?

 

Excerpted from The Only LIfe I Could Save, by Katherine Ketcham

Katherine Ketcham has been writing nonfiction books for over 30 years and has coauthored 16 books—10 of which are on the subject of addiction and recovery. Her books have been published in 16 languages. Ketcham has led treatment and recovery efforts at the Walla Walla Juvenile Justice Center, and in 2002 she founded Trilogy Recovery Community. She lives in Washington State. Her newest book, The Only Life I Could Save, is being published by Sounds True and will be on available on April 1, 2018.

 

Mel Schwartz: The Possibility Principle

Mel Schwartz is an author, public speaker, and psychotherapist who has been in private practice for more than 20 years. With Sounds True, he has recently published the book The Possibility Principle: How Quantum Physics Can Improve the Way You Think, Live, and Love. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon talks with Mel about the central ideas of quantum physics and how they can be applied to our day-to-day mental health. Mel describes the implications of quantum theory for perfectionists, as well as how the nanoseconds between thoughts contain near-infinite possibilities. In the same vein, Tami and Mel discuss the roots of anxiety and why it is so difficult to surrender to the uncertainty of the next moment. Finally, Mel leads listeners in a guided practice for letting go of our sense of safety in order to align completely with the flow of life. (67 minutes)

How to Host a Holiday Party and Actually Enjoy Yoursel...

Hey, far be it from me to offer instructions on how to host a stress-free holiday party, since I can’t remember the last time I even hosted a holiday party, let alone stress-free.  Still, as someone who has spent decades in the kitchen, what I do know is that people spend way too much time and effort trying to follow recipes rather than enjoying themselves and making food for one another. So if I was to host a gathering this season, here’s what I would aim to keep in mind.

First things first, lower your standards enough to have a good time. The best story about this is one that Robert Bly tells at his readings about his friend William Stafford, who was confirming to an interviewer that he had a practice of writing a poem each day.  “How,” the interviewer wondered, “can you do that day in and day out?  How can you be that creative?”  To which Stafford replied, “I lower my standards.”

This is a brilliant piece of advice that requires a sleight of hand: Lowering your standards for making sure that others think highly of you. To engage in trying to control what others think of you is stressful, exactly because it is impossible. To lower your standards, you let them think whatever they do. And they will!  At least it’s not going out on Yelp!  (unless it is..)

So instead of trying to be impressively masterful, you could aim to enjoy yourself alongside your family and friends. Enjoyment in this case is a choice to rest easy doing what you are capable of doing, and letting go of the rest. And tuning into warmth, gratitude, and well-being.

Sure, make some plans, consult some culinary bibles or online cooking sites, but leave room for your plans to change as the holly hour approaches. If things are getting stressful, reassess what to do and what not to do. Decide to do less! Perhaps if people are not too busy with being impressed with the spread, they will have more energy for happily engaging with one another.

Be entirely willing to ask for help. When I’ve wanted to appear masterful, I have hesitated to do this, as then others might see me as being needy and helpless, and my project to appear capable and competent would be a disaster. Then nobody helps. But they do tell you to calm down, which doesn’t help.

So ask for help, whether it’s for food dishes from others, drinks to bring, people to serve, help with cleaning up. Inspiration, assistance, guidance, support—the more you ask for it, the more it appears.

Again, it’s not up to you to make sure that everyone has a good time. That’s their job. After all most of them are probably adults now, and they may choose to enjoy themselves. It’s your job to offer what you have to offer, sincerely and wholeheartedly. Letting go of the results.

And when you let go of assessing the results, you may be pleasantly surprised that you are smiling.  You discover what’s in front of you can be sweetly beyond compare.

Happy hosting!

 

Looking for more great reads?

 

Edward Espe Brown was the first head cook at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center and later helped found Greens Restaurant in San Francisco. He is the author of several bestselling cookbooks, including The Tassajara Bread Book (Shambhala, 1970) and the subject of the 2007 film How to Cook Your Life. His newest book, No Recipe, is being published by Sounds True and will be on sale on May 1, 2018.

5 Pachydermal Tips to Bring Peace to the Holiday Seaso...

Though it may seem unlikely that an elephant could know anything about navigating the wild and woolly holiday season that is now upon us – you might be surprised. These thoughtful beasties have much soft, gray, and wrinkly wisdom to share with humans. Alice the Elephant, an elephant in spirit form, is a wonderful companion of mine and she has generously agreed to share 5 aligning tips to help you have the most meaningful experience possible this holiday season.

 

  1. Grace is an attitude. Have you ever seen elephants swimming under water? We are capable of balletic flow and majesty! It’s as if we have no idea that we weigh as much as a car! We embody buoyancy. So, remember, when you are trying desperately to find a gluten-free, vegan, fair trade, sustain-ably harvested, dairy-free entree on Pinterest to serve at Thanksgiving and despite how heavy that might seem — you can choose to float. Breathe and even try a pirouette.

 

  1. Rely on your posse. We elephants lean heavily on one another for emotional support and make it a point to linger together at our favorite watering holes. It keeps us strong. The holidays are no time to skimp on time with friends. I lovingly insist that you double down on phone calls, caring texts, walking/coffee dates, and nights out with your girls/boys. You’ll be having such a good time you won’t even worry about the fact that your holiday cards never even got ordered in the first place.

 

  1. Show your heart. When we elephants feel something, we aren’t afraid to express it. We cry. We reach out and touch each other with our trunks to trace the beautiful curves of our friend’s cheeks. I implore you this holiday season to say what you need to say and – a good place to start is “I’m sorry” or “I love you,” or, “I appreciate you.” These simple gifts trump any kind of shark attack survival kit or three-piece, minty melon bath set from T.J. Maxx.

 

  1. Clear a path for yourself. We elephants aren’t afraid to do what it takes to get what we need. If the last juicy marula fruit is dangling from a tree’s tip top branch, just out of reach, we will wrap our trunk around the tree and pull it out from the ground to get that fruit. What is standing between you and your marula fruit (a.k.a your peaceful holiday season)? Too many commitments? Too many gifts to shop for? A holiday letter you have dreaded writing for twenty years? It’s time to pull out (by the roots) what stands between you and that juicy fruit! Jettison the letter. Go gift-free for a year or agree to exchange books for that matter. And, for elephant’s sake, say no to the office party that gives you hives!

 

  1. Never forget. Above all: Commit to believing that you deserve to experience all of the love and connection your heart desires. No earning or repenting or serving time is required. Elephants never forget this.

 

Looking for more great reads?

 

 

Excerpted from The Book of Beasties by Sarah Bamford Seidelmann.

Sarah Bamford Seidelmann was a physician living a nature-starved, hectic lifestyle until a walrus entered her life and changed everything. She has trained at the Martha Beck Institute and Michael Harner’s Foundation for Shamanic Studies, and is author of Swimming with Elephants (Conari Press, 2017) and the forthcoming Book of Beasties (Sounds True, 2018). She lives in northern Minnesota.

Chandresh Bhardwaj: Break the Norms

Chandresh Bhardwaj is a globally acclaimed speaker, the founder of the Break the Norms movement, and the lineage-holder of a family of Indian gurus that dates back seven generations. With Sounds True, he has published the book Break the Norms: Questioning Everything You Think You Know About God and Truth, Life and Death, Love and Sex. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Chandresh about the legacy of his family’s teachings and what he needed to break away from in order to make his own way in the world. They talk about the paramount importance of knowing the right questions to ask, and how a question can powerfully shape one’s spiritual path. Tami and Chandresh also speak on his conception of death and its implications. Finally, Chandresh shares the story of the difficult steps he had to take in his own journey when his inner path contradicted society’s expectations. (64 minutes)

Kelley Kosow: The Integrity Advantage

Kelley Kosow is a Certified Master Integrative Life Coach and the entrepreneur behind the popular Go Goddess!™ brand of books, games, and seminars. Today, she is the CEO of The Ford Institute. With Sounds True, she is publishing her first book, The Integrity Advantage: Step into Your Truth, Love Your Life, and Claim Your Magnificence. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Kelley speaks with Tami Simon about the definition of integrity: what it is, why it isn’t necessarily evenly spread across every aspect of one’s life, and how it arises from our greatest personal truth and vision. They also talk about Kelley’s journey from being focused on future outcomes to one of self-acceptance—a journey facilitated by her mentor, Debbie Ford, that required her to confront and integrate even those parts of herself she considered “negative.” Finally, Tami and Kelley discuss the legacy of Debbie Ford, her death, and why Kelley decided to take up her mentor’s mantle as an Integrative Life Coach. (59 minutes)

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