Tehya Sky: A Ceremony Called Life

Tami Simon: You’re listening to Insights at the Edge. Today my guest is Tehya Sky. Tehya Sky, who goes by her birth name, Sky, has explored a deep world of spiritual and alternative ways during her journey to heart-opening, and the path of supporting that energy in remaining heart-centered and integrated in the body. Sky is a metaphysical guide and healing facilitator whose work focuses on helping us integrate our humanity and our divinity. With Sounds True, Tehya Sky has written a new book called A Ceremony Called Life: When Your Morning Coffee Is As Sacred As Holy Water, where she deconstructs our most common spiritual ideas and empowers us to participate wholeheartedly in the magic and mystery of our human incarnation.

In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Sky and I spoke about her emergence as a Millennial spiritual teacher, and the deconditioning process she’s been through. We also talked about misconceptions on the spiritual journey, that our spiritual life is somehow separate from the rest of our life, and that we need to get rid of our egos and have a silent mind in order to evolve. Sky and I also talked about vulnerability as a portal to meaning, how spiritual mastery includes our imperfections, and how Sky views all of life as a sacred ceremony. Here’s my conversation with Tehya Sky:

Sky, in the bio at the back of your new book, A Ceremony Called Life, it states: “Her greatest teachers are poetry, nature, and the light.” I thought that was so interesting; I think poetry, nature, sure—people, I think, get that. But having one of your greatest teachers be “the light”—what do you mean by that?

Tehya Sky: I love this question, because when I was younger, there was just some knowingness of an energy that to me was “the light.” This is how I saw it, and within this light contained so much wisdom—everything was there. If I close my eyes—and this was before I even really ventured into a more spiritual path—but if I just closed my eyes and touched base with this light essence, I felt more calm and relieved, and some wisdom would be imparted to me.

Now, interestingly, as I’ve gone further along, the light has almost expanded to include everything. So, now it’s not just the light, it’s nature, people—it’s that interconnectedness of being. So, I really like that it’s shifted from just being the light to being almost like the light that includes everything.

TS: Is that a visible sense that you have, even when we’re talking right now, about some quality, if you will, of light that pervades everything? Is that your sense?

TeS: In a way. This is my sense—it’s not visual. I don’t see it the way I can see my couch or a candle, but it’s an energetic vision. So, I do see it, but not in the same way of daily life vision—of how we know how to see things in this life.

TS: And how would you say—I’m just so curious about it is why I’m pursuing it. How would you say the light has taught you? How has it been a teacher?

TeS: Well, I guess you could also compare it to God and the way that people turn to God for guidance. For me, that means turning inside, and so when I was younger and something intense was happening in my life—whether it was in my family or with a boy that I had a crush on—I would often come to these emotional cruxes; just this critical point within what I was feeling. When I would close my eyes and go through a good catharsis, then it was like after the storm was over, there was this sense of peacefulness and the light was there.

The light was imparting—it’s a bit hard to explain really, but the light just landed things within my being and my body. There were just things that were understood after these really strong experiences, and my understanding of it—of what I saw—was this light energy just sort of landing in my body and in my mind and in my being. With its arrival came the planting of wisdom, or you could also say the unearthing of wisdom; it’s just a matter of perspective.

TS: Now, here you are, Sky, and you’re in your early thirties, which is quite young, I think, to be writing a book of spiritual teachings and to be functioning in the world as a metaphysical guide and healer. I wonder, first of all, how does it feel to you to be here in your early thirties as a spiritual teacher? What’s that like?

TeS: Honestly, it can be intimidating sometimes. But what I keep reminding myself and dropping back into within myself is also what I share through the book, A Ceremony Called Life, and through other means as well—which is that we all have this wisdom inside. We have all of it within us. The guru is life and the master is within, and honoring that and exploring that is so important. This reminder that it’s not about our credentials, it’s not about what we’ve done or how much we’ve studied. I mean, there’s value in that as well, but really coming home within ourselves and almost deferring to our own guidance and our own wisdom that’s deep within ourselves—to me, this is the ultimate teaching, this is the ultimate remembrance.

So, as a young woman who is just now sharing some of these things, it’s really about remembering over and over again that of course the wisdom is inside, no matter what society has taught us about, “Oh, we need to go through this schooling and the teaching before we can be da da da da da,” and this whole energy of becoming. No, it’s right there, and of course it is—and it’s all of our birthrights.

TS: Now Sky, you began your career in the music business, so I’m curious to track back a little bit: first of all, why you went into the music business, and then why you left.

TeS: Yes. So, ever since I was a really little girl, music was the first spiritual experience, you could say, that I had. I remember being like three or four years old and listening to The Beach Boys at my family house in New York, and having this completely head-to-toe, amazing, blissful experience—merging with the music and just being so amazed that we could contain these experiences at all. So, from a very young age, I felt really connected to music, and I felt like I really wanted to be involved one day somehow, once I was an adult.

So, when I graduated college—I had gone to college in Maryland and was looking to maybe take a more traditional path. But, once I graduated, it became clear that I needed to follow this passion of music. So, I went out to Los Angeles, and I got this job—an amazing job in a very good management company, and just started going for it right away managing bands. It was this amazing experience until it wasn’t anymore.

TS: Well, tell us about that. What happened?

TeS: Basically, it was this incredible experience, but after so many years, it was like the passion had worn off—almost like a relationship that starts with that sort of lust and then it just changes. I felt totally overwhelmed and I started to feel really disconnected from myself.

It was this amazing intersection, actually, of at the same time of being totally overwhelmed by the job and the sacrifices I was making in terms of taking care of myself and staying in touch with what was true for me. At the same time, I started to see some pretty difficult-to-look-at manifestations in my life with how I was behaving in relationships and how I was viewing things as well. I started to notice that my past was starting to dominate my present moment through my perspective and through unresolved issues from my childhood.

So, these two moments happening together—between being fed up with the job and realizing how far away from my true self I had gotten—basically served as a catalyst to push me out of Los Angeles and out of this job, and into a deep journey of deconditioning, which is essentially what led me to writing the book as well.

TS: Let’s talk about that—the “deep journey of deconditioning.” First of all, that’s an interesting phrase, “deconditioning.” Tell me what you mean by that.

TeS: As children, and also just as humans in this world, we become conditioned, of course, by society, by the school system, by what our friends deem is acceptable, by the media, and of course by our childhood and our parents, and the experiences that we have. In my own experience, when I was younger, I was really sure that I was not affected by what I had gone through as a young girl. I almost went through life with a sort of bravado that, “You know, I’m fine. I don’t need to deal with any of that. I’m good the way that I am.” But [I was] realizing through some critical experiences and relationships that actually I wasn’t.

So, this journey of deconditioning means that we start to look at the ways in which we are shaped by our past, and even by the present moment with society and the media. We make a choice to move through those conditions, to let those layers peel away, and to drop back into who we are without those conditions, who we are without those patterns.

TS: Now, you mention that it was through relationships that some of this was shown to you. Can you be more specific? What was happening in your relationship life, and what was shown?

TeS: Yes. At the time, when I left that job in music and started this whole journey, one of the huge parts of it was a dating experience that I had. I had been dating this guy that I really, really liked, and I really wanted to be with him. It wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go, and I saw myself become obsessive and so analytical, and really just driving myself completely crazy. It was so hard to even pull back from those habits of analyzing and being a bit neurotic about it all, but I realized something just felt so painful with all of that—that that couldn’t be right. That couldn’t be the way that I was meant to live my life. It was clear to me that there was something there that was influencing my behavior, and I just became so motivated to move through that so that I could live the life that I really meant to, and I could one day be with a partner in a clean and healthy way without these patterns that are just resurfacing again and again, looking to be resolved.

TS: You know, I read an interesting quote from your website describing an upcoming talk that you’re offering with Jeff Brown. The quote, which is from Jeff Brown, is, “Emotional and spiritual maturation are indistinguishable from each other.” Sky, I’d love for you to talk more about that and what that means to you. As I was listening to you talk about your relationship challenge, and I’m imagining someone listening who’s saying, “Isn’t that an emotional or a psychological issue? That’s not a spiritual topic, that’s something you would bring to your therapist.” And yet when you talk about relationship challenges, it seems like it’s interlinked for you, this idea of both emotional and spiritual maturation being connected. So I’d love for you to talk a little bit about that.

TeS: Emotional and spiritual maturation. You know, there’s such a huge connection between the two because as we are growing emotionally, that means that we’re looking at the things that are coming up in our lives that are essentially throwing us off-center or we’re not seeing clearly through these experiences and these moments. When we become more emotionally mature, we start to look at those experiences and to clean ourselves when we see the reflections of ourselves.

So, for example, if I’m having an argument with my husband about something and I’m feeling really, deeply triggered, and I just feel like the whole world is ending and I’m in a completely—it just feels like an insane state—I can either believe this experience is actually what’s happening—that there’s something just so terribly wrong in this moment—or I can take a moment to look at this reflection and look at what’s actually happening in the situation with my husband. Maybe I’m really triggered because he wants to go take space—which is something that has happened in the past, by the way, so I can tell you that this is an actual personal experience. Maybe I’ve been triggered [because] he really wants to go take some space and we’re in the middle of trying to work something out. When I see that that much pain is coming up, I know that it’s because it’s touching the old wound of abandonment from my childhood.

So, as we begin to look honestly in the mirror and work through these imprints that are within us and these memories and are compassionate with ourselves through the process, we begin to mature emotionally. And as we’re maturing emotionally, we’re essentially clearing out spaces in ourselves for our presence to anchor. That’s spiritual maturity; it’s this anchoring of our presence so that as best we can always be there, truly, we are.

TS: One of the things I’m incredibly curious about, Sky, is when people are spiritual teachers, if they’ve had some kind of experience that’s like a watershed moment in their life; before that moment, this is kind of how things were, and after this moment, they were forever changed.

I think some of my curiosity is: I hosted a series called Waking Up: What Does It Really Mean? And I interviewed more than 30 spiritual teachers. Some people had experiences like that in their life—very famously, of course, many people know about Eckhart Tolle’s awakening experience, and there are other teachers as well who are like, “On this day, something happened and I was never the same.”

I’m curious to know, in your young life, if there have been experiences like that, or an experience like that—where there’s like a before and after for you?

TeS: There have been many profound moments that have changed me, but I don’t know that I would look at any one of them with that sort of quality of recognizing, the sort of quality that you’ve just described. I know the sort of stories you’re talking about, and we do hear them so often. But, in my own experience, it’s really been this gradual unfolding, and really just day by day, each day revealing something new and moving through whatever’s coming up. This unfolding over time is bringing about a deeper sense of presence that’s able to be grounded into everyday life, and support me on my way.

So yes, like I just mentioned, there have been some really strong experiences—satori moments and other profound moments of—you could say—awakening, but they’re also passing. For me, that’s really the point—is in not believing that we need to have these huge experiences to validate our unfolding and our unearthing of the divinity that is within us. It’s really happening every day on its own, and I think that’s what’s so beautiful about life.

TS: Your new book is called A Ceremony Called Life, and I’d love to dig into that title a little bit. I think most people think of a ceremony as some kind of ritual that has a beginning, a middle, and an end—how is our life, in your view, like a ceremony?

TeS: Well, to me, when I think of “ceremony,” I think of an event that has so much significance, like a birth or a funeral or a wedding. When I think of these events, I see that when we’re there, we have a heightened state of presence and we’re more open to being touched by whatever is happening. To me, life is this ceremony—every day, we have this opportunity to be opening and receiving and dropping more and more into who we really are and what we really need to be creating in this life.

As far as the ritualistic elements of life, they are so completely there. I mean, you only need to ask a coffee-drinker about their coffee ritual to know how precious some of these daily moments—these daily rituals—are.

Even from a slightly wider perspective, we can look to see that every day we’re getting this fresh opportunity to live as we really mean to, and to continue to know ourselves more. To me, there’s nothing more miraculous and incredible than that. Even though it is difficult sometimes, it is still this beautiful ceremony of undoing.

TS: OK. So, I’m a morning coffee-drinker, and it’s easy for me to relate to my morning coffee being as sacred as holy water—it is holy water. So, I’m with you 100 percent on that. What I’m curious about is: when I imagine for a moment everything in life being like a ceremony, I imagine—this is just in my inner gaze here—people walking very carefully and slowly, and sipping the coffee very slowly, and then gently walking to the bathroom, and that’s a ceremony, and et cetera, et cetera. Meaning, I see some kind of floaty, slow, and I’m not 100 percent sure that’s what you mean.

So, I’m curious, how do we have that kind of ceremonial perspective, if you will, and viewpoint, and not be in some weird, slow, floaty place all of the time?

TeS: I’m actually so glad you brought it up, because in part, that is part of what I mean—is this incredible opportunity we have to slow down, and the gifts that come from that. So, that is totally part of the ceremony; slowing down is what enables us to discover that it’s right there in front of our faces at all.

But what I also mean in a more practical, day-to-day sense is—let’s just take it back to the coffee. We can either drink our coffee thinking about everything we need to do that day, totally distracted, yelling at our kids—on and on and on the possibilities go of how distracted we can be when we drink our coffee. Or, we can take a moment within our circumstances, no matter what our circumstances are, with either one sip or two sips to just really slow down—just for a sip, and to really taste that coffee, feel it in our mouths, and feel it going down our throats. When we give ourselves more moments like this, we are anchoring our presence within our bodies and we are deepening into all of life being the spiritual practice that it is. That’s what the ceremony of life is.

TS: It’s interesting, because as you talk about slowing down like that, it seems quite contrary to the basic speed/flow of our culture right now.

TeS: Completely. It totally is, and that’s why it’s so needed, and why I don’t think any of us can hear the reminder enough, to slow down. We live in such a fast-paced world, and the Internet has only taken it like, light-times faster than it was before. The expectations on us, especially when we’re in the Western world, are so high that it’s really up to us to have this loyalty to ourselves to say, “You know what? I need to slow down. This might be the way things are in the modern world, but it’s not what I need in terms of taking care of myself.”

When we discover that we can give ourselves this balance even in these small ways—like we just talked about drinking the coffee with that sort of presence—we start to give ourselves this gift of returning home within our bodies, not to mention all the benefits that come from it, of actually being able to handle the fast-paced world a lot more. Really dropping back into that space inside of us where we can hear our intuition and work with the various moments of life as they present themselves to us in a meaningful way.

TS: Now, Sky—just to go back to repeating, once again, how with you I am on the coffee, but here’s the question that I have: So, do you feel ceremonial in all the activities of your life? Like, what about flopping down in front of the TV with the remote, or being on the Internet and surfing around—you know, who knows what you’re doing, exactly? Moments that, you know, this is not exactly a ceremonial moment; this feels profane, if you will, or outside of ceremony. Do you have moments like that?

TeS: Absolutely! Of course, of course. That’s part of the ceremony, dare I say it? Of course! I mean, look, we’re human, and we’re not meant to be this perfect embodiment of even this ceremonious portrait that we’re painting here to show what the opportunity is. Rather, when I talk about the ceremony of life and everything that we’re talking about, it’s really offered as an orientation, as an invitation to keep reorienting ourselves towards the ceremonious nature of life, and to keep coming back to what we really need in that moment. Sometimes, the best parts of the ceremony can be these, what I like to call—in the book I call it “fuck-it moments”—these total moments where we just have to say, “Fuck it,” and throw our feet up and not give a shit, and just watch something on television. This is so important, because we’re human and that’s part of being human. It shouldn’t all be taken so seriously.

So, yes. I think the point is that this ceremony—this ceremonious nature—is an orientation, and we ought to keep reorienting towards it because it’s constantly revealing to us the meaning and the simplicity of life, and the beauty.

TS: Now, tell me what you mean by revealing the meaning of life. I think that’s something that people often find quite elusive, even when they’re “anchored in presence.” Still, meaning? Is it meaningful? Really? What meaning?

TeS: Yes, I hear you. It’s a big one, this word, “meaning,” meaningfulness with life. Well, you know, I say—and what I’ve discovered—is that the meaningfulness of life is very much predicated on our vulnerability—on the extent to which we accept and work with our vulnerability. See, until we realize and embrace and accept that we are these pervasively vulnerable beings—like in all moments, there is a possibility that how we feel can change within a second from all different things—from what we eat to an interaction we have to the weather to a voicemail that we get.

We are so vulnerable, and once we start to really accept it, then we’re in a place to work with it. Then, once we start to work with our vulnerability, so much meaning is revealed to us. Then all of the sudden, the reflections that are before us are not just pointless or cruel or lacking meaning; then we’re in this really empowered place to extract meaning for ourselves, to really create the life that we really mean to and keep learning and growing. I mean, I think that’s what it’s all about.

TS: So, I was with you in terms of feeling the vulnerability of our lives; I think where I didn’t follow was how that’s going to lead to a sense of meaning. I wonder if you could give me an example from your life of being vulnerable and how that became a portal to meaning for you.

TeS: Wow. You know, there are so many different examples to pull from, but I want to share one with you that’s recent and that’s actually quite mundane, so it can be seen how we can work with it in these daily life moments.

So, here’s the story: My husband and I have an agreement, and it’s that he will put these five-gallon jugs of water in the dispenser, because I’m a tiny woman and it is not easy for me to get it in there. I work from home and I drink a lot of tea and water throughout the day, and so sometimes he’s leaving the house and he’s forgetting to put in the new water. So, I’m without much water for the day. It’s happened more than a few times, so when it happens, I get a little triggered. It bothers me; it feels irritating.

TS: This is good; it’s classic. I mean, classic kind of thing—you guys have the water jug, but I’m with you.

TeS: [Laughs.] Exactly! Every couple has a kitchen story, and God bless the ones who don’t, but we certainly do. Part of it is around the water jug. So, when he leaves and he hasn’t done this yet, and I’m sitting down, I’m doing my work, and I go to fill up the kettle with water so I can make a nice pot of tea, I’m just like “Fuck,” you know? “There’s no water again!”

I feel frustrated, and all sorts of thoughts can start going through my head—none of which are true, mind you, but in the moment it’s a very strong experience. They can be thoughts of, “He doesn’t pay attention,” or, “He should do better,” or, “How hard is it just to put the water jug on?” But the point is that my vulnerability is what allows me to feel that frustration and irritation, and part of that vulnerability is that thoughts can accompany these feelings.

So, I have one of two choices in these moments: either I can push down my feelings and believe that it’s unspiritual, and be like, “Oh no, everything’s always OK and I just am going to feel peace, and I’m not going to go into this.” Or I can, if it’s a really strong feeling, I can sit down with myself, which is what I do, and I’m like, “Fuck, I’m so annoyed. I’m so annoyed,” and just take a deep breath and be with myself through this moment. Then you know what happens? Something magical happens: it passes, and I’m not annoyed anymore. Then, once this annoyance passes, then since I’ve gone through the vulnerability and I didn’t stuff it down, now I’ve gone over the bridge into meaning, and now I’m in this place where I can acknowledge, “You know what? My husband’s been really overworked lately, and he’s so distracted, and he really wants to take better care of himself, let alone putting the water on for me—he’s trying to figure out how to take care of himself.” I can drop into more compassion—that meaning, that teaching that we’re always learning about compassion.

And furthermore—and this is actually my favorite part, because I love remembering how empowered we are to create the lives that we want to create—that we wish to create. Then I can make good of it by, OK, it’s important for me to have water; what can I do to contribute more to getting the water there? Oh, I know—this is the teaching by the way, this is the internal dialogue—”Oh, I know, I can look before he goes to make sure there’s water there. Rather than just completely leaving it up to him, I can partake in the responsibility and just ask him, ‘Hey babe, before you leave, it would mean so much to me if you put the water on.'”

And voila—because I have gone through the vulnerability rather than just pushing it down, I have come to a deeper sense of compassion within myself for my husband, and also realized that actually it’s not going to be that hard to get the water on if I just stop leaving it all to him.

TS: This reminds me from something I pulled from your book, A Ceremony Called Life, because I thought it was so helpful and instructive. You’re talking about emotional healing on the spiritual path, and you write about “the need to meet unresolved material with accountability and presence.” I liked that so much, especially this word “accountability.” So, I wonder if you can talk a little bit about that in light of the conversation we’re having, but what you mean about accountability as well as presence?

TeS: Totally. You know, I just wanted to tell you that I’m standing here and shaking my head, and just like, “Oh, how important it is, accountability and presence.” Yes. Yes. Accountability and presence.

Well, accountability is a sense of responsibility that we have for how we view things in our lives—from how we react, to what we feel, to our beliefs and our thoughts. It’s accountability for our experience, and this acknowledgement of, “Just because I see things this way, doesn’t mean they’re actually this way.”

So, as we decide, really, to be accountable for our lives and accountable for the way we perceive things, then we’re really in this empowered place to work with our vulnerability. Because vulnerability in and of itself is a fact of our existence; we’re going to be vulnerable no matter what. But, the accountability for our vulnerability and the way we see things is the magic stick—it’s what starts taking us into resolving anything that is clouding our perspective.

In terms of older wounds and unresolved material, it’s just—we don’t have to go necessarily on some really big, deep journey. We don’t have to force a journey into discovering what those wounds are; they are coming up on their own, especially the big ones. We’re seeing it by how we emotionally react to things, to the thoughts that come through our minds that are patterns. As we decide to be accountable for all of that and work with that vulnerability, then when we have these thoughts and these emotional reactions. Then we can sit down with ourselves because now we’re informed. Right? Now we’re informed. “OK, I’m vulnerable. I understand that now. And now, because I understand that, I’m choosing to be accountable for it, and that way I can create my life the way I really mean to.”

So yes, just to quickly recap, these moments are happening on their own, so this unresolved material is coming to a head to show us that it’s there in so many ways. When we just slow down and look at the reflections of ourselves that we see in life through our emotions and our feelings and our thoughts, then we’re in this place to sit down and work with it, and really start to resolve it.

TS: It’s tremendously helpful. I know that you work with people as a healer and a guide, and I’m curious: how do you help people find, you could say, that place of accountability, when they come and they’re presenting whatever problem they might be complaining about?

TeS: Hmm. Well, what happens when I work with people is that basically, I’m opening up clairvoyantly. So, when somebody comes to me and they tell me about a pattern or a situation that they’re having, what we do is we go into—or I rather, I go into this clairvoyant space and start to look for the root of where this pattern or this perception comes from. What they discover is that by me revealing to them—if it resonates through them, of course—where this pattern is coming from, they actually see it themselves. They see the roots, they feel the resonance through their body of, “Oh my God, wow. I never made the connection, but I freak out every time I go to the supermarket because—that’s right—when I was there as a child, I was left there one time.” Or whatever the example could be.

When we start to see the root, the point is that it’s really resonating within people, and there’s often this “aha” moment of accountability for their perceptions. So when people come to me, we’re often looking at their beliefs and their memories and their thought patterns—whether it’s manifesting in ways that they keep meeting a blockage in relationships, or with work, or with trusting life. That accountability is really coming in as we arrive at those roots, and discovering how this experience originated within them in the first place. Does that make sense?

TS: Yes; you’re helping people find the underlying belief and then taking responsibility now for—it sounded like to me, also, for asking for what they need and for moving into a place of empowerment.

TeS: Exactly. That’s exactly it. To me, this is what life is all about; it’s just this opportunity to keep creating in our lives the way we really mean to. And that’s the ceremony, of course.

TS: Now Sky, one of the most interesting threads that for me, really was woven throughout A Ceremony Called Life, was about looking at, we could say, misconceptions about the spiritual journey from your point of view. One of the core misconceptions that you identify right out of the gate in the book is this idea that our spiritual life is somehow separate from the rest of our life.

I think this is an important thing to underscore. Often people say something like, “Hey, how’s your spiritual life going?” I always think when someone asks me that question, that’s a little bit of an odd question—as if it’s separate from my relationships or the health of my body or something, that there’s some spiritual life that lives—like, what is it? So I’m curious what you think about that.

TeS: That’s so funny. I’ve never heard anybody ask that question before, but it’s worth a laugh for sure. Yes.

So, what my perspective is on this is that I see so much this idea that spirituality is a compartmentalized area of our lives. It’s like we go to yoga and that’s our spiritual practice, or we go to church, and that’s our spiritual practice. It’s that separation that’s really keeping us from anchoring that spirituality into all of life.

Spirituality is—for me, it’s realizing the interconnectedness of everything and anchoring our presence in our bodies, and really being present in our lives to live as we intend to. For that to actually happen—and actually, better yet than even saying “happen,” because it’s already here within us—but for us to actually realize that, we need to take that spiritual practice and ground it into everyday life.

So, in the book, I’m talking about how spirituality is not something that you do from five to nine on a Sunday night. It’s not an activity; it’s all of life itself.

TS: You used this interesting phrase a few times: “anchoring our presence.” I’ve clued in to it because whenever you say that, I feel more embodied. But I’m curious to know what you mean—especially this word “anchoring.”

TeS: Yes. So, an anchor—like a boat anchor, right? When you drop an anchor into something, it’s really landing. It’s really holding an energy somewhere. When we anchor our presence in our body, it’s with us completely in that moment, and more and more throughout all of life as we continue to anchor that presence. So, rather than our divinity and this presence being something that’s separate from our earthly being—rather than it being some aspect that we tap into sometimes—for me the practice is really about anchoring that presence in our bodies. And that’s why the book is called A Ceremony Called Life, because the ceremony is about anchoring that presence in the body, and all the small and large ways that we can do that.

TS: Do you have some go-to technique? Like, “OK I need to anchor right now, here’s what I do?”

TeS: Yes, actually I do. I hadn’t really thought about it, but now that you ask, yes. When I feel spacey—because this is how I go off; we all go off in a different way. For me, it’s usually feeling a bit spacey or even feeling a bit angry as well. That’s the emotion that comes up for me when I start to really go off my center or move far away from myself. When I start to feel these things, I pull my energy into my feet. When I start to feel out of my presence, just far away, it’s just this feeling my feet and pulling my energy more and more into my feet. There’s so many ways that we can practice that—it could be walking slowly and feeling our feet on the ground.

And, of course, the eternal go-to is meditation—is just coming back and meditating. So taking a time out if I’m feeling really, really out—just taking a break, going into meditation, or going to yoga. There are so many different practices that we can engage with for that anchoring of our presence. We’re all these unique beings, so it’s really about discovering what works for you. It could be yoga, it could be dance, it could be breathwork. It could be as simple as I just described—pulling your energy into your feet.

TS: I liked that. I liked the idea of pulling your energy into your feet. I like that a lot. Thank you.

TeS: You’re welcome.

TS: Now, another myth, you could say, about the spiritual journey that you address in A Ceremony Called Life, is what you call “a misunderstanding that we need to get rid of our egos and have a silent mind in order to evolve on the spiritual journey.” So talk some about that—how you see the ego and your view that we don’t necessarily have to get rid of our egos.

TeS: So, how I see the ego is I see it as a projection mechanism through which we can project ourselves through life. It’s [an] un-ideal version; we’re not aware of it and it’s running the show, and we’re totally identified with what it is. But in its more ideal version, which I see as just having a healthy relationship with it, it can be of service to us. This projection into life is actually just a natural phenomenon as we have this individual perspective and our individual things that we do. And that’s a good thing; that’s OK the way it is.

In the book, I’m talking a lot about how—well, not a lot about, really, it’s one particular chapter—but we go into a lot of depth around the mind and the ego, and how they serve us, and how we don’t need to get rid of our mind, we don’t need to get rid of our ego, we don’t need to be on some journey of trying to silence our minds. This is just going to drive us crazy, and it’s probably not going to happen. I mean, for sure it’s some people’s dharma, but not many.

So, really learning about the gifts of the mind and the harmlessness of the ego is a very empowering way to start accepting their presence in our lives. I’d also say that this practice of meditation, including meditating through life, is another greatly empowering thing into realizing that, “Actually, I can be here. I can be present while my mind is going.” That’s what it’s all about: this full embracing towards all that we are and all that is within us—the mind, the ego, the feelings. It’s this full embrace. That’s what wholeness is.

TS: Now, I imagine that part of the reason that many people on the spiritual journey want to “get rid” of their egos is because they find that it’s the egoic part of them that is territorial and competitive, and aggressive. So it’s like, “God, I just wish this egoic part of me that seems to get in the driver’s seat wouldn’t be in control in that way.” What would you say to that person?

TeS: I would say, “Fair enough.” That’s a fair thing— to prefer to be a different way, and that sometimes it might happen, but that each time we find ourselves falling off—whether it’s through this example of the ego taking charge for a moment, or through something that we’re feeling within our expansive vulnerability. When we find ourselves in these moments, it’s teaching us something. It’s an opportunity.

For sure, I would say that the orientation—we ought to have our orientation towards coming from who we really are inside this place of love and what we wish to be creating in this life. But sometimes, it might just not happen, and that’s OK. When we work with these moments, they’re valuable and they’re meaningful, and they’re just part of our journey.

TS: Now Sky, one of the other—you could say—misunderstandings on the spiritual journey in your opinion that many people talk about is that spiritual mastery is not, in your view, a sort of perfected realm. In fact, you write, “Our mastery includes our imperfection.” Can you talk about that?

TeS: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. [Laughs.] The way that I see this—when I look at teachers that have really touched me, I see within them a vulnerable human, and I also hear from them, sometimes, stories about their own imperfections. At the bottom of everything that these teachers are saying [is] that they’re learning through these moments. To me, that’s what it’s all about. This term “mastery” that I’m using I use more to point towards the potential of our embodiment—meaning that we’re dropping into a sense of wholeness, we’re dropping into a deeper sense of presence, and we’re compassionate with ourselves—with all of it—that this wholeness is sort of embracing us through life.

It’s so easy for there to be spiritual roles and to start projecting this idealized self onto others like our teachers, and hold ourselves to these unfair expectations. Which is why I use the word “mastery” to remind others, and remind myself as well, that the master inside, the guru inside, is also the eternal student. We are always learning, and that’s what it’s all about—just to continue to learn with this love towards ourselves and this forgiveness, that this is really enough. I really see that often we don’t think that it’s enough, and it really is.

TS: Sky, you’ve used this phrase, “presence”—being anchored in presence and being present in our body—embodied presence. One of the things I’m curious about for you is: what does presence feel like?

TeS: Presence. Presence, to me—it’s this awareness that we are, this eternal awareness. Simple as that. What it feels like to me—and I’m just sensing it now within myself to just give some words to it—it feels like a watchfulness. It feels like the part of me that watches while I’m speaking, while the birds are chirping, while things are just happening in life. It’s the part of me that watches as emotions come. What’s so beautiful about reorienting again and again into our presence is that this is the piece of us that can hold us through our hard moments. This is the piece of us that’s full of love and is made of acceptance, simply by its truthful essence. That’s how I would describe it.

TS: Now, another one of the themes, if you will, that I felt was really woven throughout A Ceremony Called Life, is an emphasis on—you could call it something like “primordial trust,” and surrendering into this state of trusting life in the moment. One of the things I’m curious about is: in your young life, have there been times you’ve discovered—yes, trust is the most important thing [and] surrendering into trust—where your trust has been seriously challenged? And how have you dealt with those challenges? What have you learned from being challenged in the ways you have been?

TeS: Yes. Trust is amazing, because as we’re really allowing ourselves to trust, then life can show us what it has in store for us. There was a particular experience that I’d love to share with you. Actually, I write about it in the book.

It’s this: when I was living in Australia with my husband—I guess it was a few years ago now—I was there on an American tourist visa, which meant I could only be there for three months at a time. We had been traveling because he’s Australian and I’m American and we couldn’t be in the same place for more than a few months together, so we had just continued to travel. We had finally decided that we were ready to settle down and felt like Australia was the place. We’d really grown weary of traveling as well, and just really, really needed to lay our roots down somewhere. So, we were really feeling good about just dropping our bags in Australia and making a home.

But, what happened was I went to Bali for a bit of time because my visa had reached its three-month point where I had to leave and then I could come back. When I came back, the immigration officer started questioning me, and eventually just put me on another plane back to the US and deported me. This was such a shock, because we were just so ready and we really felt like this was the right thing for us to be doing—to be an Australian, to grow our roots there. My husband had started working, and we had bought a car and had a place. It was a little like being thrown out of the garden a bit.

At first, it was this huge shock, and I remember being at—they put me in a detention center as well—and I remember being at the detention center just bawling my eyes out, totally distraught, to the point where someone had to come over to me and be like, “Are you OK, ma’am?” And I’m like, “Yes, I’m just having my catharsis!” But, once I had had this catharsis—which again, is tying back into the theme of vulnerability—once I had this catharsis, then I was in a place to let go of my expectations and how I thought life should be, and to drop back into this sense of trust, which is always so mysterious.

Once we had dealt with the practicalities and we found ourselves traveling again, the amazing thing is that our path started to really align with what we really felt [we wanted] to be doing. It was during this time, after we left Australia that I wrote A Ceremony Called Life, and that I got an agent, and that the publishing deal came through. It was also during this time that my husband’s art started taking off more, in a personal way—developing his skills, painting more, synchronicities happening. It felt so true that getting kicked out of Australia was just aligning us with something much more fulfilling and true for us.

This is a really strong example of where trust really served us, because we didn’t fight the deportation or try to go back to Australia or try to force life to be the way we thought it should be. We instead went into a complete freefall with moment-to-moment traveling again every few months, being totally uprooted, and just letting life continue. Eventually as well, we’ve found our home here in California. So, that is a story of trust.

TS: What would you say to someone who right now feels their trust is being challenged? Meaning they’re in a state right now while they’re listening to this where they’re like, “You know, it’s fine, I’m glad Sky and her husband and everything worked out well for them. Good for them. But right now in my life, I don’t really trust this thing that’s happening.” Maybe they don’t trust what’s happening in our country right now. Maybe they don’t trust what’s happening in their own financial life. Whatever it might be.

TeS: Yes. Well, trust is such a big thing because it’s so elusive and it’s so mysterious. To someone really doubting their trust, I would say to remember that the whole essence of trust is its mysterious quality and that life isn’t going to show us in obvious ways why we should trust. When we find ourselves out of trust, it’s an invitation to anchor even more deeply, again and again, into ourselves and to just continue working with life as it’s happening.

Sometimes we don’t trust, but we’re actually in a situation that’s not serving us. So, there are different nuances within this issue of trust that are more individual—on an individual basis. But in general, the most important thing to remember about trust is that it’s totally mysterious, it’s not showing itself to us in an obvious way, and that cultivating that sense of connection within ourselves is what can—I’m just looking for the right words because it’s very sensitive—cultivating this sense inside is what can reveal to us a wider sense of being-ness within ourselves, where we discover there actually is trust.

It’s a little bit abstract, but I hope that I’m getting across what I mean to be getting across, which is that trust is mysterious and if we’re looking for reassurance that we should trust, we may not get it. It takes courage—it takes courage to really go within ourselves and drop into ever more depth and ever more sense of life and connection.

TS: Sky, I just have two final questions for you. The first one is that as I mentioned at the beginning, you’re in your early thirties, so I can call you “a Millennial spiritual teacher.” One of the first Millennial spiritual teachers I’ve ever interviewed. What I’d love to know is: do you feel that young people today are looking for something different spiritually than perhaps in other generations?

TeS: You know, I think it’s an interesting question, because the way I see it is that there’s an invitation of the age, and what the invitation of the age looks like to me—what I’m seeing—is that it’s about showing up as we are, integrated and embodied, and bringing that spirituality into everyday life—that life itself is a spiritual practice. Young people tend to resonate more with things that are new and things that are just sort of emerging, even in terms of consciousness.

But, I’d say that it’s an invitation that a lot of us can relate to no matter what age we are. Somehow, perhaps there was a little bit of a disjoint in spirituality—in the collective energy of it at some point. I don’t mean everyone and everything. I mean that somehow there’s a little bit of a disjoint between—like we were talking before—”This is the spiritual part of my life,” or, “I have a spiritual life and I have the rest of my life.” I think we’re realizing now that we’d been doing that at all, and that we’re really ready for a more embodied and integrated spirituality.

TS: And then one last question: this program is called Insights at the Edge, and I’m always curious to know what someone’s growing edge is. So really, in terms of your life right now, what would you say is the current edge you’re working with?

TeS: Hmm. Wow. That is such a good question—just to feel into it for a moment within myself. For me, that edge right now is about sharing, and is about showing authentically who I am, which of course is what so much of my message is about. It’s about bringing this book into the world without putting too much pressure on myself, and just allowing myself to be whoever and whatever I am. So, my edge right now is a deeper sense of trust in what I’m sharing, and confidence and acceptance—the myriad things that are within, sharing and bringing things out into the public.

TS: Well, I’m glad we could walk out on your edge together.

TeS: [Laughs.] Me too.

TS: I’ve been speaking with Tehya Sky, and she’s written a new book called A Ceremony Called Life: When Your Morning Coffee Is As Sacred As Holy Water. Sky, thank you so much for being with us on Insights at the Edge. Thank you.

TeS: Tami, thank you so much. It’s an honor.

TS: SoundsTrue.com: Many voices, one journey. Thanks for listening.