Stan Tatkin is a clinical psychologist, couples and family therapist, and the author of Wired for Love. With Sounds True, he has published a new book titled We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Stan about his unique methodology, the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT). Stan explains his definition of a couple as a “biological survival unit” and some of the common occurrences that threaten the long-term cohesion of that unit. Tami and Stan discuss the ways attachment styles affect our ability to be in relationship and how we have to accept partners along with their burdens. Finally, Stan details what it means to have “secure functioning” in a relationship and the key lessons for creating a healthy, loving long-term partnership. (69 minutes)
Tami’s Takeaway: “Everyone is a pain in the ass,” teaches Stan, “and so are you.” Listening to Stan, I developed an even deeper appreciation of my beloved wife of 17 years, how she puts up with me . . . and how I put up with her. It also illuminated how the combination can lead to what Stan calls “a secure functioning relationship” where we see each other realistically, not idealistically, and are committed to collaborating as a successful “survival unit” consisting of two perfectly imperfect human beings.